Saturday, August 19, 2006
Of Boobs and Silicone
One of the worst things that can happen to a bride in her phase of exciting preparation, is to go shopping for sexy lingerie to wear underneath her dress, and - finally - has the helpful clerk hand her silicone breast-enhancers to stuff underneath her pitiful tuberous breasts in an attempt to fill out the cups of her own size properly. All that while her Double-D best friend is standing right next to her, watching.
Tuberous breasts... google them.
A cup is too small. B cup is kind of fitting, but quite pathetically, making it impossible for an otherwise fitting corset to look good.
Again... google the term.
In the end I invested money into those things - breast protheses. Protheses... what a horrible term. I guess that's why they call them "enhancers" in the store. To make one feel better about the necessity of such things.
Walking out of the store, I decided to leave them inside my bra already, to get used to the feel. I pulled my shirt down over my "enhanced" bra - and almost fainted in front of my own reflection in the mirror. There it was... a beautiful relief of perfect looking breasts underneath my shirt. The silicone pads were so smoothly fitted, that the difference between them and whatever little and deformed real there was was absolutely invisible. I smiled at myself, turned this way and that... and when we left the store, I felt like a queen. Walking, all of a sudden there was a bouncing sensation, and a full heaviness that I had never experienced before. I saw myself reflected in storefronts, and instead of the usual sagging lumps that are barely held in shape by padded and stuffed and stiff bras, I saw beautiful curves and rounds that were bouncing softly up and down.
Who cared that I had just stuffed my bra with silicone protheses! I had beautiful breasts!
Tell you the truth... early this year I made an appointment with a counselor for cosmetic surgery. I sat with that lady for about an hour in her beautiful office, looking at before and after pictures, and asking all about the costs and risks involved with breast enhancement surgery. Me? I don't want enlargement or augmentation... I need plastic reconstructive surgery. Again... google what I am talking about here. I have had issues with my breasts ever since I realized at the age of 14 that - contrary to what my mother was trying to tell me - ît'll NOT "grow out". The general area of my chest is a blind spot on my mirror, and I don't like them exposed, touched, or in any other way handled. I was told that each side will cost about 2k, and that there is no financial help even with an issue like mine.
4k... it'll be a long while until I can have 4k saved up that we won't need otherwise... but I am set on getting this done as soon as I am done having babies, that'll deform my mammaries even more than they already are.
I need this to feel like a real woman, no matter what anybody else has to say about it. I am hell-bent on transforming myself into a "real woman" by my own standards, and soon, and for no other reason than MY OWN WELLBEING.
Walking around with silicone protheses and realizing how much BETTER they make me feel about MYSELF, my conviction that doing this is the only right thing to do has become even stronger.
And don't you go all telling me how - if they make me feel so good - I should stick with the protheses... because once the bra is off, so is all self-esteem of mine, and the blind spot in the mirror returns
Tuberous breasts... google them.
A cup is too small. B cup is kind of fitting, but quite pathetically, making it impossible for an otherwise fitting corset to look good.
Again... google the term.
In the end I invested money into those things - breast protheses. Protheses... what a horrible term. I guess that's why they call them "enhancers" in the store. To make one feel better about the necessity of such things.
Walking out of the store, I decided to leave them inside my bra already, to get used to the feel. I pulled my shirt down over my "enhanced" bra - and almost fainted in front of my own reflection in the mirror. There it was... a beautiful relief of perfect looking breasts underneath my shirt. The silicone pads were so smoothly fitted, that the difference between them and whatever little and deformed real there was was absolutely invisible. I smiled at myself, turned this way and that... and when we left the store, I felt like a queen. Walking, all of a sudden there was a bouncing sensation, and a full heaviness that I had never experienced before. I saw myself reflected in storefronts, and instead of the usual sagging lumps that are barely held in shape by padded and stuffed and stiff bras, I saw beautiful curves and rounds that were bouncing softly up and down.
Who cared that I had just stuffed my bra with silicone protheses! I had beautiful breasts!
Tell you the truth... early this year I made an appointment with a counselor for cosmetic surgery. I sat with that lady for about an hour in her beautiful office, looking at before and after pictures, and asking all about the costs and risks involved with breast enhancement surgery. Me? I don't want enlargement or augmentation... I need plastic reconstructive surgery. Again... google what I am talking about here. I have had issues with my breasts ever since I realized at the age of 14 that - contrary to what my mother was trying to tell me - ît'll NOT "grow out". The general area of my chest is a blind spot on my mirror, and I don't like them exposed, touched, or in any other way handled. I was told that each side will cost about 2k, and that there is no financial help even with an issue like mine.
4k... it'll be a long while until I can have 4k saved up that we won't need otherwise... but I am set on getting this done as soon as I am done having babies, that'll deform my mammaries even more than they already are.
I need this to feel like a real woman, no matter what anybody else has to say about it. I am hell-bent on transforming myself into a "real woman" by my own standards, and soon, and for no other reason than MY OWN WELLBEING.
Walking around with silicone protheses and realizing how much BETTER they make me feel about MYSELF, my conviction that doing this is the only right thing to do has become even stronger.
And don't you go all telling me how - if they make me feel so good - I should stick with the protheses... because once the bra is off, so is all self-esteem of mine, and the blind spot in the mirror returns
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Just from my own experience as someone who's breasts don't match the ideal, have you considered ther least drastic ways to enhance your breasts? After I pierced my nipples, I became much more satisfied and confidant about the of my breasts. And while the new tattoo I got on my ribs wasn't for the sake of making my breasts more attractive, but it did enhance the general area. I know you aren't into tattoos, but would being pierced be something you would consider? I know for me, it sent the message of, "I know my body isn't perfect, but that doesn't have to stop me from feeling sexy and badass".
# posted by 
: 10:19 AM
: 10:19 AM
Eh... no. As much as I love piercings, but nipple piercings give me some serious creeps. I can't even stand looking at them without the chills running up and down my spine, and the mere thought of anybody going there with a needle makes me want to run and hide. Sorry... just REALLY sensitive there.
Aside from this rather silly notion, I really do not want to embellish a part of myself that I absolutely hate in any way. It would do nothing but draw more of my own attention to my breasts, and that is the last thing on earth that I want. I am happy and content when they are hidden from view - especially my own. I feel best when I can pretend that they are not there at all... and I simply cannot give them any more attention than absolutely necessary.
Really, my issue is not the size. I would be perfectly happy with my small-ish size, if they would be shapely and nice otherwise. When I'll have my surgery, I will not increase my cup size. All I want is breasts that I will not be ashamed of whenever somebody - even my own doctor - has to see them. I want breasts that I can look at myself without feeling hideous and worthless as a woman. I want breasts that don't feel like :(
Aside from this rather silly notion, I really do not want to embellish a part of myself that I absolutely hate in any way. It would do nothing but draw more of my own attention to my breasts, and that is the last thing on earth that I want. I am happy and content when they are hidden from view - especially my own. I feel best when I can pretend that they are not there at all... and I simply cannot give them any more attention than absolutely necessary.
Really, my issue is not the size. I would be perfectly happy with my small-ish size, if they would be shapely and nice otherwise. When I'll have my surgery, I will not increase my cup size. All I want is breasts that I will not be ashamed of whenever somebody - even my own doctor - has to see them. I want breasts that I can look at myself without feeling hideous and worthless as a woman. I want breasts that don't feel like :(
...don't feel like empty lumps of skin that have been attached to my chest for no other purpose than a cruel joke of nature. Eh... I hit post a bit too soon there.
The only reason why my own breasts look half-way decent is because I am carrying twice the body weight that I should be and they are filled out the way I like them, but sagginess and stretchies that comes with excess weight means that when I lose the weight, they will look awful - kinda like hessian sacks with marbles in the bottom. Not a good look. If I get down to my goal weight and they are ugly, I will have no hesitation in getting some work done to neaten things up.
If having work done means that you will feel more comfortable in your own skin, then by all means, DO IT. :)
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If having work done means that you will feel more comfortable in your own skin, then by all means, DO IT. :)
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