Saturday, December 25, 2004
Been a while...
Merry belated Christmas to my readers... if I even have any.
Thing is, the little text messaging episode left me really discouraged and indifferent about things concerning the woman I wanna get my hands on more than anything else. Ain't gonna happen... and I guess it's ok. Something good still came of it, this being my final acknowledgement of who and what I am, and my sharing it with the world.
The other reason why I don't post so much is that I am currently in Europe hanging with my family over the holidays and a little longer. Being with them makes it impossible for me to focus on anything concerning my sexuality at all, so I am mostly just here chilling, relaxing, and having an overall good time without thinking much about anything at all. Missing The Fiancé like crazy, of course... but next year at this time he'll hopefully be here with me indefinietly.
I am however blogging on a regular basis, over at my "real" blog. Feel free to check it out, but please use your discrection wisely. I don't wish for any hint of this blog on my other one, no reference, no link, no nothing. If this sort of thing would be ok, I would blog about the issues I am blogging about here over there without further problem. But since this is not so, please keep yourself in check. I don't want for anything to happen that ultimately leads to the deletion of this here blog, which I came to grow rather fond of.
That said, you can find my "real" blog here: click here.
I hope you all spent a wonderful Christmas surrounded by the people you love. I'll get back to posting here once I am back in LA. Unless something noteworthy happens while I am here. Which is not very likely.
Thing is, the little text messaging episode left me really discouraged and indifferent about things concerning the woman I wanna get my hands on more than anything else. Ain't gonna happen... and I guess it's ok. Something good still came of it, this being my final acknowledgement of who and what I am, and my sharing it with the world.
The other reason why I don't post so much is that I am currently in Europe hanging with my family over the holidays and a little longer. Being with them makes it impossible for me to focus on anything concerning my sexuality at all, so I am mostly just here chilling, relaxing, and having an overall good time without thinking much about anything at all. Missing The Fiancé like crazy, of course... but next year at this time he'll hopefully be here with me indefinietly.
I am however blogging on a regular basis, over at my "real" blog. Feel free to check it out, but please use your discrection wisely. I don't wish for any hint of this blog on my other one, no reference, no link, no nothing. If this sort of thing would be ok, I would blog about the issues I am blogging about here over there without further problem. But since this is not so, please keep yourself in check. I don't want for anything to happen that ultimately leads to the deletion of this here blog, which I came to grow rather fond of.
That said, you can find my "real" blog here: click here.
I hope you all spent a wonderful Christmas surrounded by the people you love. I'll get back to posting here once I am back in LA. Unless something noteworthy happens while I am here. Which is not very likely.
Monday, December 13, 2004
So much for initiative
Yeah, so either technology didn't work in my favor, or she herself doesn't work in my favor. As you can probally tell already - there has been no response from her as of now.
Not the slightest beep of my cell phone. So, thinking that she might just not have received my text message (that's what I wanna believe, anyway), I figured I'd use the great technology that my cell phone provides and leave her a message in her voice mail without actually calling her... and I had this whole thing figured out what I was going to say to her, and then I found out this "great" tech thing only works from Sprint phones to Sprint phones. Upon trying her phone number I found out that she doesn't sport one of thise.
Ah, well. Now I'm stuck. :(
Not the slightest beep of my cell phone. So, thinking that she might just not have received my text message (that's what I wanna believe, anyway), I figured I'd use the great technology that my cell phone provides and leave her a message in her voice mail without actually calling her... and I had this whole thing figured out what I was going to say to her, and then I found out this "great" tech thing only works from Sprint phones to Sprint phones. Upon trying her phone number I found out that she doesn't sport one of thise.
Ah, well. Now I'm stuck. :(
Sunday, December 12, 2004
O.M.F.G.
"hi this is **** ***s girlfrnd-from halloween!got your # from ****&figured id get in touch since i dont know so many ppl here anyways.get in touch if you like :)"
I did it... I sent it... 160 symbols of utter prepubescent lameness, and despite The Fiancé thinking text messaging is stupid. I'm sorry, I just can't get myself to calling her.
My heart is beating like I am close to a coronary, my palms are dripping with goo, and I am so scared that her phone can't receive text messages for whatever reason, or that it can, and that she thinks I am stupid or weird, and most of all I am scared that she actually calls me.
What do I do if she actually calls me?
What do I do if she doesn't?
But then again... what do I have to lose?
Ah, yes. My phone just told me: "This message can only be delivered if the recipient has an Internet-ready Sprint phone with a PCS Web Browser or a phone from certain other wireless carriers."
Maybe technology will prevent me from looking totally stupid afterall...
I did it... I sent it... 160 symbols of utter prepubescent lameness, and despite The Fiancé thinking text messaging is stupid. I'm sorry, I just can't get myself to calling her.
My heart is beating like I am close to a coronary, my palms are dripping with goo, and I am so scared that her phone can't receive text messages for whatever reason, or that it can, and that she thinks I am stupid or weird, and most of all I am scared that she actually calls me.
What do I do if she actually calls me?
What do I do if she doesn't?
But then again... what do I have to lose?
Ah, yes. My phone just told me: "This message can only be delivered if the recipient has an Internet-ready Sprint phone with a PCS Web Browser or a phone from certain other wireless carriers."
Maybe technology will prevent me from looking totally stupid afterall...
BIG Dilemma
I can't emphasize the word BIG enough.
Yeah... guess what. The Fiancé got Jo's phone number. He was all sneaky with the hostess on the phone. Then he walked up to me, smiled and said he had a little surprise for me, dragged me into the kitchen, and showed it to me.
I turned around with a face chiselled of stone, and walked away stiffly.
He walked after me: "What was that all about?"
I said: "Don't ask.", or something like that.
Then I went and stored her phone number into my cell phone, and stared at it for I don't know how long.
Resolved that there was no possible way for me to call her up for no substantial reason after seeing her twice on these superficial occasions and then not seeing her again for over a month, and me being shy and a phonophobic in the first place, I decided to send her a text message instead, hoping fervently that her phone can receive those. Then I started to think. 160 symbols to let her know that a) I want to hang out with her, b) I have been thinking about her, c) I know this message is out of the blue, but d) no, don't worry, I am not some psycho-weirdo. How in the world could I say all that in 160 symbols or less?
"Hey, this is ****, ******'s girlfriend - we met at Halloween. Got your # thru **** and figured I'd get in touch to see if you wanted to hang out."
"Hey, this is ****, ******'s girlfriend - we met at Halloween. I couldn't stop thinking of you and want to ask you out on a date. Uhh... I hope you like girls?"
"Hey, this is ****, ******'s girlfriend - we met at Halloween. I have this weird obsession with you. Please don't call the police. I wanna see you."
"www.quira.net/other... go check it out, and please don't turn me in."
And in the middle of my aimless pushing of buttons to write any variation of the above, The Fiancé walks into the room all bed-ready and I was too self-conscious to continue.
The next day I asked him if he felt it was stupid to send a text message, and he bluntly said yeah, and: "Get used to the idea of calling people."
Hello! I can't! I have nightmares of phone calls even with people I know! How do you think I can deal with a phone call to a person I don't know, have seen only twice, and have no valid reason to call in the first place?
Argh, now what? Text message or no text message? And what do I say?
Yeah... guess what. The Fiancé got Jo's phone number. He was all sneaky with the hostess on the phone. Then he walked up to me, smiled and said he had a little surprise for me, dragged me into the kitchen, and showed it to me.
I turned around with a face chiselled of stone, and walked away stiffly.
He walked after me: "What was that all about?"
I said: "Don't ask.", or something like that.
Then I went and stored her phone number into my cell phone, and stared at it for I don't know how long.
Resolved that there was no possible way for me to call her up for no substantial reason after seeing her twice on these superficial occasions and then not seeing her again for over a month, and me being shy and a phonophobic in the first place, I decided to send her a text message instead, hoping fervently that her phone can receive those. Then I started to think. 160 symbols to let her know that a) I want to hang out with her, b) I have been thinking about her, c) I know this message is out of the blue, but d) no, don't worry, I am not some psycho-weirdo. How in the world could I say all that in 160 symbols or less?
"Hey, this is ****, ******'s girlfriend - we met at Halloween. Got your # thru **** and figured I'd get in touch to see if you wanted to hang out."
"Hey, this is ****, ******'s girlfriend - we met at Halloween. I couldn't stop thinking of you and want to ask you out on a date. Uhh... I hope you like girls?"
"Hey, this is ****, ******'s girlfriend - we met at Halloween. I have this weird obsession with you. Please don't call the police. I wanna see you."
"www.quira.net/other... go check it out, and please don't turn me in."
And in the middle of my aimless pushing of buttons to write any variation of the above, The Fiancé walks into the room all bed-ready and I was too self-conscious to continue.
The next day I asked him if he felt it was stupid to send a text message, and he bluntly said yeah, and: "Get used to the idea of calling people."
Hello! I can't! I have nightmares of phone calls even with people I know! How do you think I can deal with a phone call to a person I don't know, have seen only twice, and have no valid reason to call in the first place?
Argh, now what? Text message or no text message? And what do I say?
Tuesday, December 07, 2004
No metal yet...
So, lack of money kept me from executing my yummy plans on the weekend, and we stayed home instead, doing such exciting things as homework.
To make up for it, I installed a brand-new desktop wallpaper, featuring Milla Jovovich in a breathtakingly and painfully erotic pose, which I now can't stop staring at, and which - of course - reminds me of Jo. Gawd... I want that woman. *sighs*
And I don't think I'll ever be able to watch another Milla movie ever again without thinking of and aching for Jo... it's really not that she resembles her closely at all, it's just something in my mind that connects them both together... mostly their eyes, I believe.
Oh yeah... and as I forgot to mention: my ex (and now best friend), who hosts this domain on his own server, has stumbled across this blog while going through and deleting some comment spam over on my "real" blog.
So, all like he wouldn't know it himself already from reading the whole thing from beginning to end, he asks me on ICQ something like: "Hey, so when did you start this new blog of yours?"
Hey! Caught me there. Though it's not really that I was hiding it from him, knowing well that he has full access to all my files on his server, more like keeping facts to myself, cause I didn't want to really deal with discussing these matters with him, when he didn't react all so positively to me telling him while we were dating in the first place.
Interestingly enough though, a good conversation came out of it, including him saying that he'd always kinda knew about The Fiancé sorta swinging both ways (- with a gay brother, I assume that his "gaydar" is rather highly developed), and him giving me advice on how to deal with possible threesomes and the likes, and the emotional turmoil that might be the outcome of it. He of all people, in his function as my ex boyfriend! I sure felt a bit awkward, but take it from someone who knows from experience, I always say.
And that was the end of it, no further weirdness or me having the feeling I have to defend myself for something. One more person to be checkmarked on my list.
Furthermore, today I had this weird (and thankfully supressed) urge to pass this link on to my sister, and therefore starting my coming out with my family members. I caught myself before the act, however, and disregarded it as a momentary lapse into insanity. Whereas I am very sure of myself and who I am, I am still a long way from feeling good and confident enough about it to be able to face my family with it. If I will ever be, that is.
So here, for some eye candy, have a look at what I'm having a look at:
To make up for it, I installed a brand-new desktop wallpaper, featuring Milla Jovovich in a breathtakingly and painfully erotic pose, which I now can't stop staring at, and which - of course - reminds me of Jo. Gawd... I want that woman. *sighs*
And I don't think I'll ever be able to watch another Milla movie ever again without thinking of and aching for Jo... it's really not that she resembles her closely at all, it's just something in my mind that connects them both together... mostly their eyes, I believe.
Oh yeah... and as I forgot to mention: my ex (and now best friend), who hosts this domain on his own server, has stumbled across this blog while going through and deleting some comment spam over on my "real" blog.
So, all like he wouldn't know it himself already from reading the whole thing from beginning to end, he asks me on ICQ something like: "Hey, so when did you start this new blog of yours?"
Hey! Caught me there. Though it's not really that I was hiding it from him, knowing well that he has full access to all my files on his server, more like keeping facts to myself, cause I didn't want to really deal with discussing these matters with him, when he didn't react all so positively to me telling him while we were dating in the first place.
Interestingly enough though, a good conversation came out of it, including him saying that he'd always kinda knew about The Fiancé sorta swinging both ways (- with a gay brother, I assume that his "gaydar" is rather highly developed), and him giving me advice on how to deal with possible threesomes and the likes, and the emotional turmoil that might be the outcome of it. He of all people, in his function as my ex boyfriend! I sure felt a bit awkward, but take it from someone who knows from experience, I always say.
And that was the end of it, no further weirdness or me having the feeling I have to defend myself for something. One more person to be checkmarked on my list.
Furthermore, today I had this weird (and thankfully supressed) urge to pass this link on to my sister, and therefore starting my coming out with my family members. I caught myself before the act, however, and disregarded it as a momentary lapse into insanity. Whereas I am very sure of myself and who I am, I am still a long way from feeling good and confident enough about it to be able to face my family with it. If I will ever be, that is.
So here, for some eye candy, have a look at what I'm having a look at:
Wednesday, December 01, 2004
Ok, so this doesn't happen everyday...
...to start talking with a girl you have never before seen in your life, and the first topic of discussion after introductions isn't polite small talk, but my clitoris, and the piece of metal I am planning on getting through its hood, and that we should go and do it this upcoming weekend.
And from there it went seamlessly on to the experience of pierced nipples, and how, while nipping out, it feels like the skin is grabbing onto metal, and how one can get caught on a shower door and hurt them, if not careful, or how they can get sore if sucked on too much.
And about 10 minutes into the discussion her pants went down enough to only barely cover the area where her pubic hair would start (- actually, I saw enough to be able to tell you that she was shaved neatly) to show off a tattoo she got on her hip, and 3 minutes after that we each lifted our layers of clothing in the freezing cold to show off and compare each others' navel piercings.
And on and on and on the discussion went, as if she were one of my best friends and we were as comfortable talking with each other about nipples and clitorises like we'd talk about chocolate icecream and fluffy baby bunnies.
Huh?
Yeah, today I got to meet The Fiancé's classmate who he told me about before, and who happens to be really cool and fun (despite her being only 19 and us being old farts in comparison to her), and who he started to connect with over the topic of body modification. And in the course of their developing acquaintance/friendship he happened to tell her about me and my plans and all kinds of stuff, so when I ran into them today after class and he introduced us, she was all like:
"OH! It's so great to finally meet you, I have heard so much about you already!"
Good stuff, I hope.
And so now there are possibilities for me to maybe get metal through my privates in a couple of days with The Fiancé and a girl who I have talked with for a whole 20 minutes in tow, spread eagle and all.
The recommended piercer is a friend of hers however, and as such a trusted one, which is calming, especially with a plan such as mine.
And from there it went seamlessly on to the experience of pierced nipples, and how, while nipping out, it feels like the skin is grabbing onto metal, and how one can get caught on a shower door and hurt them, if not careful, or how they can get sore if sucked on too much.
And about 10 minutes into the discussion her pants went down enough to only barely cover the area where her pubic hair would start (- actually, I saw enough to be able to tell you that she was shaved neatly) to show off a tattoo she got on her hip, and 3 minutes after that we each lifted our layers of clothing in the freezing cold to show off and compare each others' navel piercings.
And on and on and on the discussion went, as if she were one of my best friends and we were as comfortable talking with each other about nipples and clitorises like we'd talk about chocolate icecream and fluffy baby bunnies.
Huh?
Yeah, today I got to meet The Fiancé's classmate who he told me about before, and who happens to be really cool and fun (despite her being only 19 and us being old farts in comparison to her), and who he started to connect with over the topic of body modification. And in the course of their developing acquaintance/friendship he happened to tell her about me and my plans and all kinds of stuff, so when I ran into them today after class and he introduced us, she was all like:
"OH! It's so great to finally meet you, I have heard so much about you already!"
Good stuff, I hope.
And so now there are possibilities for me to maybe get metal through my privates in a couple of days with The Fiancé and a girl who I have talked with for a whole 20 minutes in tow, spread eagle and all.
The recommended piercer is a friend of hers however, and as such a trusted one, which is calming, especially with a plan such as mine.
