Monday, August 21, 2006
something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue...
The New, obviously, is my wedding gown. The Blue, obviously, will be my garter, given to me by my friends during my bachelorette party in two weeks.
But... and can this be any more beautiful? My mother... my mother is providing me with both the Old, and the Borrowed:
On my wedding day I will be wearing a simple white gold necklace with a tiny white diamond pendant, and fitting small white gold diamond earrings. Those items were given to my Mom on her first Mother's Day, a few months after my birth, by my Dad, in honor of me. She is wearing the necklace every single day ever since I can remember.
This necklace will be around my neck on the most important day of my life. This is so beautiful, the thought alone almost made me cry, when she told me that it is her wish that I wear this personal piece of herself.
I will wear it with all daughterly pride, and the knowledge behind the meaning of this necklace... knowing what it means to my mother. It will be the single most important accessory of my bridal ensemble, and I am very excited to see myself in it when I prepare to become the wife of the love of my life.
But... and can this be any more beautiful? My mother... my mother is providing me with both the Old, and the Borrowed:
On my wedding day I will be wearing a simple white gold necklace with a tiny white diamond pendant, and fitting small white gold diamond earrings. Those items were given to my Mom on her first Mother's Day, a few months after my birth, by my Dad, in honor of me. She is wearing the necklace every single day ever since I can remember.
This necklace will be around my neck on the most important day of my life. This is so beautiful, the thought alone almost made me cry, when she told me that it is her wish that I wear this personal piece of herself.
I will wear it with all daughterly pride, and the knowledge behind the meaning of this necklace... knowing what it means to my mother. It will be the single most important accessory of my bridal ensemble, and I am very excited to see myself in it when I prepare to become the wife of the love of my life.
Saturday, August 19, 2006
Of Boobs and Silicone
One of the worst things that can happen to a bride in her phase of exciting preparation, is to go shopping for sexy lingerie to wear underneath her dress, and - finally - has the helpful clerk hand her silicone breast-enhancers to stuff underneath her pitiful tuberous breasts in an attempt to fill out the cups of her own size properly. All that while her Double-D best friend is standing right next to her, watching.
Tuberous breasts... google them.
A cup is too small. B cup is kind of fitting, but quite pathetically, making it impossible for an otherwise fitting corset to look good.
Again... google the term.
In the end I invested money into those things - breast protheses. Protheses... what a horrible term. I guess that's why they call them "enhancers" in the store. To make one feel better about the necessity of such things.
Walking out of the store, I decided to leave them inside my bra already, to get used to the feel. I pulled my shirt down over my "enhanced" bra - and almost fainted in front of my own reflection in the mirror. There it was... a beautiful relief of perfect looking breasts underneath my shirt. The silicone pads were so smoothly fitted, that the difference between them and whatever little and deformed real there was was absolutely invisible. I smiled at myself, turned this way and that... and when we left the store, I felt like a queen. Walking, all of a sudden there was a bouncing sensation, and a full heaviness that I had never experienced before. I saw myself reflected in storefronts, and instead of the usual sagging lumps that are barely held in shape by padded and stuffed and stiff bras, I saw beautiful curves and rounds that were bouncing softly up and down.
Who cared that I had just stuffed my bra with silicone protheses! I had beautiful breasts!
Tell you the truth... early this year I made an appointment with a counselor for cosmetic surgery. I sat with that lady for about an hour in her beautiful office, looking at before and after pictures, and asking all about the costs and risks involved with breast enhancement surgery. Me? I don't want enlargement or augmentation... I need plastic reconstructive surgery. Again... google what I am talking about here. I have had issues with my breasts ever since I realized at the age of 14 that - contrary to what my mother was trying to tell me - ît'll NOT "grow out". The general area of my chest is a blind spot on my mirror, and I don't like them exposed, touched, or in any other way handled. I was told that each side will cost about 2k, and that there is no financial help even with an issue like mine.
4k... it'll be a long while until I can have 4k saved up that we won't need otherwise... but I am set on getting this done as soon as I am done having babies, that'll deform my mammaries even more than they already are.
I need this to feel like a real woman, no matter what anybody else has to say about it. I am hell-bent on transforming myself into a "real woman" by my own standards, and soon, and for no other reason than MY OWN WELLBEING.
Walking around with silicone protheses and realizing how much BETTER they make me feel about MYSELF, my conviction that doing this is the only right thing to do has become even stronger.
And don't you go all telling me how - if they make me feel so good - I should stick with the protheses... because once the bra is off, so is all self-esteem of mine, and the blind spot in the mirror returns
Tuberous breasts... google them.
A cup is too small. B cup is kind of fitting, but quite pathetically, making it impossible for an otherwise fitting corset to look good.
Again... google the term.
In the end I invested money into those things - breast protheses. Protheses... what a horrible term. I guess that's why they call them "enhancers" in the store. To make one feel better about the necessity of such things.
Walking out of the store, I decided to leave them inside my bra already, to get used to the feel. I pulled my shirt down over my "enhanced" bra - and almost fainted in front of my own reflection in the mirror. There it was... a beautiful relief of perfect looking breasts underneath my shirt. The silicone pads were so smoothly fitted, that the difference between them and whatever little and deformed real there was was absolutely invisible. I smiled at myself, turned this way and that... and when we left the store, I felt like a queen. Walking, all of a sudden there was a bouncing sensation, and a full heaviness that I had never experienced before. I saw myself reflected in storefronts, and instead of the usual sagging lumps that are barely held in shape by padded and stuffed and stiff bras, I saw beautiful curves and rounds that were bouncing softly up and down.
Who cared that I had just stuffed my bra with silicone protheses! I had beautiful breasts!
Tell you the truth... early this year I made an appointment with a counselor for cosmetic surgery. I sat with that lady for about an hour in her beautiful office, looking at before and after pictures, and asking all about the costs and risks involved with breast enhancement surgery. Me? I don't want enlargement or augmentation... I need plastic reconstructive surgery. Again... google what I am talking about here. I have had issues with my breasts ever since I realized at the age of 14 that - contrary to what my mother was trying to tell me - ît'll NOT "grow out". The general area of my chest is a blind spot on my mirror, and I don't like them exposed, touched, or in any other way handled. I was told that each side will cost about 2k, and that there is no financial help even with an issue like mine.
4k... it'll be a long while until I can have 4k saved up that we won't need otherwise... but I am set on getting this done as soon as I am done having babies, that'll deform my mammaries even more than they already are.
I need this to feel like a real woman, no matter what anybody else has to say about it. I am hell-bent on transforming myself into a "real woman" by my own standards, and soon, and for no other reason than MY OWN WELLBEING.
Walking around with silicone protheses and realizing how much BETTER they make me feel about MYSELF, my conviction that doing this is the only right thing to do has become even stronger.
And don't you go all telling me how - if they make me feel so good - I should stick with the protheses... because once the bra is off, so is all self-esteem of mine, and the blind spot in the mirror returns
Thursday, August 17, 2006
*knock knock*
6:16AM. The doorbell rings.
I crawl out of bed, manage to wrap myself into my pink bathrobe, and open the door as far as the chain would allow me to. Two men are outside.
"Police.", they say. And then: "Immigration."
I scratch my dishevelled hair and stare at them blankly. It is 6:17AM.
"We are here to check if your wedding to Mr. Fiancé isn't just a sham marriage. May we enter, please."
I open the door, suddenly wide awake.
"Is your fiancé here?"
"Yeah... ummm...", I stammer.
"May we please meet him?"
"Yeah... ummm...", I stammer.
"Should we come back some other time?"
"Ummm... no... you are already here, may as well come in, we had to get up in a bit, anyway." I try to sound secure and not-at-all caught off-guard. I am thinking, it would look suspicious if I sent them away to come back at a later time... like I'd need time to prepare the apartment, and get The Fiancé here to appear like a real couple.
I let them in, and go get The Fiancé out of bed. We sit down at our dining table. One guy asks me for numerous documents, while the other one inconspicuously looks around the apartment. The Fiancé's 6-month visa has expired last February, but according to law, he is now legal again. I am not sure if the immigration law enforcers know that, so I sweat buckets as inconspicuously as possible, as the cop that first surveyed the room now flips through The Fiancé's passport while the first one asks me detailed questions about my income, and the size of my apartment. To see if it was big enough to realistically be home to two people, and to see if my income realistically feeds two people.
The answer to both questions was a definite yes.
The Fiancé sits demurely beside me, answering (harmless) questions in German as well as he can. 8 minutes after they knocked on our door the guy closes his folder, the other one hands back The Fiancé's passport, and they get up to leave.
"Everything seems in good order, here."
I get bold, and attempt a little joke: "So... no separate cross-examination? I was already mentally perparing for that..."
The guy actually cracks a small smile, and says: "Yes, we usually do that. But here is no reason to suspect that there is anything other than a normal relationship going on. We wish you a wonderful wedding, and good luck in your life."
...and they were gone as fast as they appeared.
Now I am paranoid as all hell that "have a wonderful wedding and good luck in your life" was just cop-lingo for "we will run a check on his passport and find out that he's been here without a visa for 6 months and the second before he opens his mouth to say his I dos we will burst in and deport him to the prison colony on Mars."
To make up for this, we went to our appointment with the official that will conduct our ceremony and legally make us husband and wife - provided that La Migra doesn't crash our wedding unannounced.
It was a very weird feeling to sit before the guy that has the power to transform me from A.K. into A.C-G., but wonderful at the same time. I felt some of the excitement that must be thousand-fold on September 9, and I reveled in the way he made our ceremony into something special with the authority of somebody who has wed many couples before in such extravagant and special surroundings as the ones we chose.
I now know exactly what's going to happen in which order, and we can make final decisions on the music we want to have played. It feels wonderful to have a definite idea as opposed to vague concepts and ideas.
3 1/2 weeks to go... what a special time in our lives...! :)
I crawl out of bed, manage to wrap myself into my pink bathrobe, and open the door as far as the chain would allow me to. Two men are outside.
"Police.", they say. And then: "Immigration."
I scratch my dishevelled hair and stare at them blankly. It is 6:17AM.
"We are here to check if your wedding to Mr. Fiancé isn't just a sham marriage. May we enter, please."
I open the door, suddenly wide awake.
"Is your fiancé here?"
"Yeah... ummm...", I stammer.
"May we please meet him?"
"Yeah... ummm...", I stammer.
"Should we come back some other time?"
"Ummm... no... you are already here, may as well come in, we had to get up in a bit, anyway." I try to sound secure and not-at-all caught off-guard. I am thinking, it would look suspicious if I sent them away to come back at a later time... like I'd need time to prepare the apartment, and get The Fiancé here to appear like a real couple.
I let them in, and go get The Fiancé out of bed. We sit down at our dining table. One guy asks me for numerous documents, while the other one inconspicuously looks around the apartment. The Fiancé's 6-month visa has expired last February, but according to law, he is now legal again. I am not sure if the immigration law enforcers know that, so I sweat buckets as inconspicuously as possible, as the cop that first surveyed the room now flips through The Fiancé's passport while the first one asks me detailed questions about my income, and the size of my apartment. To see if it was big enough to realistically be home to two people, and to see if my income realistically feeds two people.
The answer to both questions was a definite yes.
The Fiancé sits demurely beside me, answering (harmless) questions in German as well as he can. 8 minutes after they knocked on our door the guy closes his folder, the other one hands back The Fiancé's passport, and they get up to leave.
"Everything seems in good order, here."
I get bold, and attempt a little joke: "So... no separate cross-examination? I was already mentally perparing for that..."
The guy actually cracks a small smile, and says: "Yes, we usually do that. But here is no reason to suspect that there is anything other than a normal relationship going on. We wish you a wonderful wedding, and good luck in your life."
...and they were gone as fast as they appeared.
Now I am paranoid as all hell that "have a wonderful wedding and good luck in your life" was just cop-lingo for "we will run a check on his passport and find out that he's been here without a visa for 6 months and the second before he opens his mouth to say his I dos we will burst in and deport him to the prison colony on Mars."
To make up for this, we went to our appointment with the official that will conduct our ceremony and legally make us husband and wife - provided that La Migra doesn't crash our wedding unannounced.
It was a very weird feeling to sit before the guy that has the power to transform me from A.K. into A.C-G., but wonderful at the same time. I felt some of the excitement that must be thousand-fold on September 9, and I reveled in the way he made our ceremony into something special with the authority of somebody who has wed many couples before in such extravagant and special surroundings as the ones we chose.
I now know exactly what's going to happen in which order, and we can make final decisions on the music we want to have played. It feels wonderful to have a definite idea as opposed to vague concepts and ideas.
3 1/2 weeks to go... what a special time in our lives...! :)
Saturday, August 12, 2006
pre-nuptials...
Well... less than a month to go until the big day. Less than a month until "for better or for worse, 'til death do us part".
Of course we are not having this part included in our ceremony, but we all know that's what's gonna happen anyway, right? :)
As part of our pre-nuptial time, I have come up with the idea of not having sex anymore the entire month preceding our wedding. To be able to focus on other things, but mostly to let the tension build up until it gets unbearable, until it's finally released in our wedding night. Hey - I ain't no virgin, he ain't no virgin - gotta make this "out of the ordinary" somehow, right?
Needless to say, The Fiancé was not amused.
August 9 until September 9 no sex...?
The night of August 10, when he was panting on top of me with a grin of victory on his face over my easily overcome determination, I managed to negotiate 2 weeks for my "wedding-night-build-up-project".
2 weeks.
I am taking bets on whether or not we'll make it right now... *LOL*
Of course we are not having this part included in our ceremony, but we all know that's what's gonna happen anyway, right? :)
As part of our pre-nuptial time, I have come up with the idea of not having sex anymore the entire month preceding our wedding. To be able to focus on other things, but mostly to let the tension build up until it gets unbearable, until it's finally released in our wedding night. Hey - I ain't no virgin, he ain't no virgin - gotta make this "out of the ordinary" somehow, right?
Needless to say, The Fiancé was not amused.
August 9 until September 9 no sex...?
The night of August 10, when he was panting on top of me with a grin of victory on his face over my easily overcome determination, I managed to negotiate 2 weeks for my "wedding-night-build-up-project".
2 weeks.
I am taking bets on whether or not we'll make it right now... *LOL*
Monday, August 07, 2006
Keeping it under wraps?
I wonder if it was such a good idea to have told my best friend KL about our first threesome experience with Steven, since she knows him personally.
We had Steven over for dinner last night, mostly to finally give him his long-overdue wedding invitation, and partly because we haven't seen him in literally months. I can take only little doses of him at a time - it always was like this, plus he's run out of minutes on his pre-paid phone a while ago, and I am not exactly diligent with keeping up with my friends (I usually wait for them to call me), so there you have it.
I had no "naughty" thoughts about him coming over last night whatsoever - to me he was just the means to "break the ice" when we had our threesome, and I am set on not sleeping with him anymore ever again. (Of course I also said that 5 years ago, but hey!) I was looking forward to a nice (probably mind-fucking) evening of talk and food, and that's exactly what it turned out to be.
When I told KL about our dinner in the car on Saturday, she side-glanced at me, smirked in a funny way, and said something to the effect of "Well... don't you go being all dirty again, m'kay?"
...?
Is that what she'll think now every time I go hang out with my good friend? Will there be talk of this when they will both sit at the same table at our wedding reception, or some kind of awkwardness on her part? Will she always wonder about my activities whenever I will meet new people and develop a friendship with them... will she wonder what the nature of that new friendship will be, is she wondering if from now on we are sleeping with every new person we meet along the way?
I was considering to be more open about our "lifestyle", but after this, I am really starting to think that it's better to keep this as under-wraps as possible. Let's keep convictions and principles aside, and just live on as if nothing unusual is going on, thus keeping peace and good relations with everybody.
I don't know how many people are reading this, and I certainly don't know how many likeminded people are... but if you are, and are leading a life similar to mine or one in any other way "unusual", I'd be interested in how you are handling this. Are you open about your lifestyle? Are you open about your sexual "orientation"? How are you dealing with living "outside the box"? Do you mind akward side-glances from your friends? I appreciate all input. :)
We had Steven over for dinner last night, mostly to finally give him his long-overdue wedding invitation, and partly because we haven't seen him in literally months. I can take only little doses of him at a time - it always was like this, plus he's run out of minutes on his pre-paid phone a while ago, and I am not exactly diligent with keeping up with my friends (I usually wait for them to call me), so there you have it.
I had no "naughty" thoughts about him coming over last night whatsoever - to me he was just the means to "break the ice" when we had our threesome, and I am set on not sleeping with him anymore ever again. (Of course I also said that 5 years ago, but hey!) I was looking forward to a nice (probably mind-fucking) evening of talk and food, and that's exactly what it turned out to be.
When I told KL about our dinner in the car on Saturday, she side-glanced at me, smirked in a funny way, and said something to the effect of "Well... don't you go being all dirty again, m'kay?"
...?
Is that what she'll think now every time I go hang out with my good friend? Will there be talk of this when they will both sit at the same table at our wedding reception, or some kind of awkwardness on her part? Will she always wonder about my activities whenever I will meet new people and develop a friendship with them... will she wonder what the nature of that new friendship will be, is she wondering if from now on we are sleeping with every new person we meet along the way?
I was considering to be more open about our "lifestyle", but after this, I am really starting to think that it's better to keep this as under-wraps as possible. Let's keep convictions and principles aside, and just live on as if nothing unusual is going on, thus keeping peace and good relations with everybody.
I don't know how many people are reading this, and I certainly don't know how many likeminded people are... but if you are, and are leading a life similar to mine or one in any other way "unusual", I'd be interested in how you are handling this. Are you open about your lifestyle? Are you open about your sexual "orientation"? How are you dealing with living "outside the box"? Do you mind akward side-glances from your friends? I appreciate all input. :)
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
The Wedding and my Family...
Setting: the bride's parents' apartment
Protagonists: the bridal couple, the witnesses (sister & brother-in-law), & the bride's parents
Subject: the style of the items indicating everybody's seat, the style of the flower decorations, a photo collage of all attendees, the gift for the guests, and various other things.
Important thing to know: the bride announced months ago that she will NOT under ANY circumstances have regular cookie-cutter joe-schmoe folded cards with everybody's name on them on the tables - or anything remotely resembling folded cards. She wants something original and memorable, but has not had THE idea for them yet. Hence tonight's meeting was scheduled: to come up with an original concept and idea for those.
Mother: So, Saturday we'll get together and put these together.
Bride: Okay, works for me. Here is the material, let's come up with something cool.
Mother: I thought you'd bring the prototype already.
Bride: No, I don't have a prototype... that's what I came here for - to COME UP with one.
Mother: Okay... *starts playing with the materials, coming up with a few ideas, still enthusiastic"
Sister: *gets into the action and tosses around ideas*
Bride: *to groom* Will you be there, Saturday, too?
Groom: Umm, no.
Bride: Why not?
Groom: Because my standards are higher than that... you know me. I'd just take everything away from you girls and do it all myself.
*stunned silence*
Bride: What...? *glares at groom*
Groom: *innocent* What...?
Father: Why are you taking everything word for word?
Bride: Because he just insulted Mom!
Sister: Oh. My. God. Let's go home, they are starting again.
Bro-in-Law: No... let's play some UNO.
Father: Ok... let's UNO.
Bride: Hello...? We didn't come here to play UNO, we came here to come up with a friggin' prototype! I thought that was clear.
Father: Well... get on with it then!
Bro-in-Law: *goes off to watch a videotaped soccer game*
Bride: *starts to sketch an idea*
Mother: Huh...? That's WAY too complicated! I thought we already talked about not putting any flowers in there... WHO is going to do that on the morning of the wedding? And... oh, the money!
Sister: We could use plastic flowers...
Bride: I HATE plastic flowers...! *shows sketch to groom anyway*
Groom: *glances over* That is WAY too complicated, we can't do this, this, this, this, and that! We already talked about this before!
Bride: *sighs*
Mother: *suddenly very aggravated at not having come up with a definite concept within the first 15 minutes of discussion* Why don't you just go with folded cards! They are simple to make, elegant looking, and...
Bride: Mom! I don't WANT folded cards! I told you that weeks ago! What's wrong with doing something original and creative! Nothing about our wedding is cookie-cutter, why would we have cookie-cutter name-signs? NO CARDS!
Mother: Well! That's just IT! Why does EVERYTHING have to be extravagant! The castle! The dress! The rings! Don't you think you should tone it down a bit? A nice balance between extravagant and simple would be good, why can't you have cards? We don't have to put them horizontal, we can put them up like so... *stands them like a greeting card*... and have them in the style of your invitations, like so... *holds material up to the standing paper*... and inside you can have a photo of you! Or a thank-you note! See? Wonderful!
Sister: Ummm... that's kinda cool...
Bride: I DON'T WANT FOLDED CARDS...!
Father: Can't you say that in a nice way...?
Sister: Hey... how about little boxes...? Like so... *sketches*
Bride: Hey... wow... yeah... that's pretty cool!
Mother: ...and we can wrap this around here, and put this here... and maybe write the names here on the lid...
Groom: Ummm... what about the gifts for the guests...? I was thinking about doing this thing...
Bride: *rolls eyes*
Father: Why are you rolling your eyes? I kinda like that idea.
Bride: It's way over the top...
Father: Well, not everything can go your way, if he wants to do this, then...
Mother: Well, now that's really silly! You want all this extravaganza, but this is too over the top for you? Explain to me how you make sense.
Bride: 70 of those??? 70?!?!? We have 6 weeks and he isn't even finished yet with the papel picado...
Groom: Oh, I can do that... not a problem...
Bro-in-Law: *from the floor, where he is sitting watching the game* Umm... not to interrupt here...
Bride: What...?
Groom: What...?
Mother: Mmm...?
Bro-in-Law: Well... usually those gifts are just one per family... not for everybody...
Groom: So, I'd only have to make about... umm... 40? I can do that.
Bride: But that's so corny...
Father: Don't go on trashing all his ideas!
Bride: He just trashed my sketch!
Groom: Sweetie... tell me what you want. It's up to you. If you say no, I won't do these things. Just let me know, ok? Just know that I can do them.
Bride: No... okay... sweetie... if your heart is into this, then do it. It's your wedding as much as mine, and if that's something you want to do, then you should. Just make sure you get them DONE, ok? *blows kiss*
Groom: *blows kiss*
Sister: What will we put inside the boxes...?
Father: You STILL haven't figured this out yet? And how about the pictures for the collage, who has them?
Mother: Cookies...!
Bride: Almonds... uhh... no, umm, who do we need pictures from still?
Father: Don't you know? *shakes head violently and gets up to get the guest list*
Mother: We can put a flower sticker on those boxes... if they have daisies...
Sister: Candy...! Let's put in candy!
Father: Do you have pictures of him...? Ok... her? Ok... them? No? Well, when will you GET them already? And have you called your cousin's wife yet about the flowers?
Bride: No, uhhh... no cheapy stickers, ok?
Sister: Ok... tomorrow we'll go buy those boxes, white ribbons, stickers... don't forget the green silk and glue, ok?
Mother: We don't even know yet if we can still get daisies in September!
Father: What? Why haven't you called her yet? I don't understand this... make a list... those things could have been done a long time ago! You can fit these things in anytime inbetween... it won't cost you more than 5 minutes to call...
Mother: White roses and ivy?
Bride: Well, I am sorry... I didn't have time...
Sister: Phonophobia...
Bride: I like that... if they don't have daisies anymore...
Mother: I don't wanna go to this one florist though... so expensive... but then, at least we know they do awesome work...
Father: When are we going to make an appointment with the manager of the party room...?
Mother: How 'bout Wednesday?
Father: No... not this week. I have appointments too, okay?
Bride: Next Wednesday?
Father: *enraged tirad about mismanagement of time*
Bride: Okay... sorry... next Wednesday it is then... here, let me write it down... we should tell them about decorations... we need to make sure the table decorations and my bouquet and the car decorations look alike...
Father: What??? What is this... are you going crazy? We'll take whatever they have... do you think about money at ALL anymore...?
Bride: But...
Father: *to Mom* Do YOU remember we talked about this...?
Mother: Uh, yeah... remember, they said they were going to do the decorations, and we need to tell them what we want...
Bride: And we need these things anyway... what's wrong about color/flower-coordinating them?
Father: *pouts and glares*
Bro-in-Law: *fell asleep on the couch*
Sister: Tsss... just as long as we HAD to tape that stupid game...
Bride: Uh, make sure you call the hotel and make reservations for my friend... he's coming on the 6th...
Sister: Oh... ooops... forgot about that. Yeah... *jots a note down*
Mother: Okay, so tomorrow after work we meet and then we go buy the boxes... we'll see about whatever we will put into them later...
Bride: I know! Pastel sugar hearts!
Sister: Where can we get those...? *frowns*
Father: Why don't you just buy the candy ALREADY? What's the point of going AGAIN in two weeks??? Just do it!
Mother: Because we have no car with us... and for that we need to go to that one store...
Father: *head turns dangerously red, veins start to be visible*
Sister: Let's go home... when he gets like that, it's better we leave.
Bro-in-Law: *wakes up*
Groom: Dude... let's go to Hooters.
...
Protagonists: the bridal couple, the witnesses (sister & brother-in-law), & the bride's parents
Subject: the style of the items indicating everybody's seat, the style of the flower decorations, a photo collage of all attendees, the gift for the guests, and various other things.
Important thing to know: the bride announced months ago that she will NOT under ANY circumstances have regular cookie-cutter joe-schmoe folded cards with everybody's name on them on the tables - or anything remotely resembling folded cards. She wants something original and memorable, but has not had THE idea for them yet. Hence tonight's meeting was scheduled: to come up with an original concept and idea for those.
Mother: So, Saturday we'll get together and put these together.
Bride: Okay, works for me. Here is the material, let's come up with something cool.
Mother: I thought you'd bring the prototype already.
Bride: No, I don't have a prototype... that's what I came here for - to COME UP with one.
Mother: Okay... *starts playing with the materials, coming up with a few ideas, still enthusiastic"
Sister: *gets into the action and tosses around ideas*
Bride: *to groom* Will you be there, Saturday, too?
Groom: Umm, no.
Bride: Why not?
Groom: Because my standards are higher than that... you know me. I'd just take everything away from you girls and do it all myself.
*stunned silence*
Bride: What...? *glares at groom*
Groom: *innocent* What...?
Father: Why are you taking everything word for word?
Bride: Because he just insulted Mom!
Sister: Oh. My. God. Let's go home, they are starting again.
Bro-in-Law: No... let's play some UNO.
Father: Ok... let's UNO.
Bride: Hello...? We didn't come here to play UNO, we came here to come up with a friggin' prototype! I thought that was clear.
Father: Well... get on with it then!
Bro-in-Law: *goes off to watch a videotaped soccer game*
Bride: *starts to sketch an idea*
Mother: Huh...? That's WAY too complicated! I thought we already talked about not putting any flowers in there... WHO is going to do that on the morning of the wedding? And... oh, the money!
Sister: We could use plastic flowers...
Bride: I HATE plastic flowers...! *shows sketch to groom anyway*
Groom: *glances over* That is WAY too complicated, we can't do this, this, this, this, and that! We already talked about this before!
Bride: *sighs*
Mother: *suddenly very aggravated at not having come up with a definite concept within the first 15 minutes of discussion* Why don't you just go with folded cards! They are simple to make, elegant looking, and...
Bride: Mom! I don't WANT folded cards! I told you that weeks ago! What's wrong with doing something original and creative! Nothing about our wedding is cookie-cutter, why would we have cookie-cutter name-signs? NO CARDS!
Mother: Well! That's just IT! Why does EVERYTHING have to be extravagant! The castle! The dress! The rings! Don't you think you should tone it down a bit? A nice balance between extravagant and simple would be good, why can't you have cards? We don't have to put them horizontal, we can put them up like so... *stands them like a greeting card*... and have them in the style of your invitations, like so... *holds material up to the standing paper*... and inside you can have a photo of you! Or a thank-you note! See? Wonderful!
Sister: Ummm... that's kinda cool...
Bride: I DON'T WANT FOLDED CARDS...!
Father: Can't you say that in a nice way...?
Sister: Hey... how about little boxes...? Like so... *sketches*
Bride: Hey... wow... yeah... that's pretty cool!
Mother: ...and we can wrap this around here, and put this here... and maybe write the names here on the lid...
Groom: Ummm... what about the gifts for the guests...? I was thinking about doing this thing...
Bride: *rolls eyes*
Father: Why are you rolling your eyes? I kinda like that idea.
Bride: It's way over the top...
Father: Well, not everything can go your way, if he wants to do this, then...
Mother: Well, now that's really silly! You want all this extravaganza, but this is too over the top for you? Explain to me how you make sense.
Bride: 70 of those??? 70?!?!? We have 6 weeks and he isn't even finished yet with the papel picado...
Groom: Oh, I can do that... not a problem...
Bro-in-Law: *from the floor, where he is sitting watching the game* Umm... not to interrupt here...
Bride: What...?
Groom: What...?
Mother: Mmm...?
Bro-in-Law: Well... usually those gifts are just one per family... not for everybody...
Groom: So, I'd only have to make about... umm... 40? I can do that.
Bride: But that's so corny...
Father: Don't go on trashing all his ideas!
Bride: He just trashed my sketch!
Groom: Sweetie... tell me what you want. It's up to you. If you say no, I won't do these things. Just let me know, ok? Just know that I can do them.
Bride: No... okay... sweetie... if your heart is into this, then do it. It's your wedding as much as mine, and if that's something you want to do, then you should. Just make sure you get them DONE, ok? *blows kiss*
Groom: *blows kiss*
Sister: What will we put inside the boxes...?
Father: You STILL haven't figured this out yet? And how about the pictures for the collage, who has them?
Mother: Cookies...!
Bride: Almonds... uhh... no, umm, who do we need pictures from still?
Father: Don't you know? *shakes head violently and gets up to get the guest list*
Mother: We can put a flower sticker on those boxes... if they have daisies...
Sister: Candy...! Let's put in candy!
Father: Do you have pictures of him...? Ok... her? Ok... them? No? Well, when will you GET them already? And have you called your cousin's wife yet about the flowers?
Bride: No, uhhh... no cheapy stickers, ok?
Sister: Ok... tomorrow we'll go buy those boxes, white ribbons, stickers... don't forget the green silk and glue, ok?
Mother: We don't even know yet if we can still get daisies in September!
Father: What? Why haven't you called her yet? I don't understand this... make a list... those things could have been done a long time ago! You can fit these things in anytime inbetween... it won't cost you more than 5 minutes to call...
Mother: White roses and ivy?
Bride: Well, I am sorry... I didn't have time...
Sister: Phonophobia...
Bride: I like that... if they don't have daisies anymore...
Mother: I don't wanna go to this one florist though... so expensive... but then, at least we know they do awesome work...
Father: When are we going to make an appointment with the manager of the party room...?
Mother: How 'bout Wednesday?
Father: No... not this week. I have appointments too, okay?
Bride: Next Wednesday?
Father: *enraged tirad about mismanagement of time*
Bride: Okay... sorry... next Wednesday it is then... here, let me write it down... we should tell them about decorations... we need to make sure the table decorations and my bouquet and the car decorations look alike...
Father: What??? What is this... are you going crazy? We'll take whatever they have... do you think about money at ALL anymore...?
Bride: But...
Father: *to Mom* Do YOU remember we talked about this...?
Mother: Uh, yeah... remember, they said they were going to do the decorations, and we need to tell them what we want...
Bride: And we need these things anyway... what's wrong about color/flower-coordinating them?
Father: *pouts and glares*
Bro-in-Law: *fell asleep on the couch*
Sister: Tsss... just as long as we HAD to tape that stupid game...
Bride: Uh, make sure you call the hotel and make reservations for my friend... he's coming on the 6th...
Sister: Oh... ooops... forgot about that. Yeah... *jots a note down*
Mother: Okay, so tomorrow after work we meet and then we go buy the boxes... we'll see about whatever we will put into them later...
Bride: I know! Pastel sugar hearts!
Sister: Where can we get those...? *frowns*
Father: Why don't you just buy the candy ALREADY? What's the point of going AGAIN in two weeks??? Just do it!
Mother: Because we have no car with us... and for that we need to go to that one store...
Father: *head turns dangerously red, veins start to be visible*
Sister: Let's go home... when he gets like that, it's better we leave.
Bro-in-Law: *wakes up*
Groom: Dude... let's go to Hooters.
...
