Saturday, December 31, 2005
Happy 2006!
What a nice way to start the new year... it is currently 4:17am on 1/1/06, and I just got the following response to my grrl2grrl.com profile:
Why do all the good ones come in when I do not reside in the United States anymore? I should probably delete this profile, or at least mention somewhere that I am not within reach anymore... at any rate, I decided to just see things positively, and take this as a good omen for the new year...
From: neenee
To: spreadyourwings
Subject: YOU!
Message: As you asked for; Hello!
I will be honest and tell you that maybe because I am almost a munchkin (5'0", 103 lbs.), I was immensely mesmerized by the main photo of yourself taken, looking up to you from about knee level, and then in reading your profile and seein you are 5'10", I was hooked! I have forever been magnetized to tall, feminine women; there is something SO regaal about them! Another reason for that particular photo affecting me so is that in my one-sided sexual relationship with my ex, in pleasuring her orally on more then a daily basis, I became totally addicted to the divine taste of woman and now find I crave it badly again in my life! It was like the photo put me there on my knees to you!
PLEASE, if at all interested in having another woman kind of like at your beck and call, to pleasure you on an 'as-needed/desired' basis, PLEASE keep me in mind? If anything could be worked out, I ask that you do NOT let the miles between us be of any great consequence as I adore travel of all kinds!
Hopefully,
neenee
.........Happy New Year!..........
Why do all the good ones come in when I do not reside in the United States anymore? I should probably delete this profile, or at least mention somewhere that I am not within reach anymore... at any rate, I decided to just see things positively, and take this as a good omen for the new year...
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
A belated Merry Christmas...
December 28. I cannot believe how fast this month, my favorite month of the year, has come and almost past. I am always very wrapped up in the pre-Christmas spirit, I am one of these people who really enjoy Christmas time, and since it has also been the first time for me and The Fiancé to ever spend Christmas together, it should be no surprise that internetly affairs have been of a very small concern or importance to me.
Also, I never knew that as a full-time-employed adult, Christmas preparations can actually really become rather stressful. Who would have thought. ;) If anything, I think that this year is marked by desperate last-minute wrapping and finishing of gifts, and sending other people to buy your gifts for you because you have to pull crazy overtime at work and by the time you get out, no store is open anymore. There was not much of "quiet time" for me this advent... and next year I'll start sooner with everything – I promise this to myself and my mental health.
Christmas itself has been especially beautiful this year, since we had guests from South America to spend the holidays with us, and to be shown around our hometown. It was a beautiful chaos of languages in my parents' apartment, and we were so many people that we barely all fit into the room where the tree and the gifts were... not to mention the fact that never in my life have I seen this many gifts underneath our tree as I did this year - just as our guests (including The Fiancé) had never seen real candles burning on a Christmas tree before.
White Christmas have been nothing but wishful thinking again this year, and it was a disappointment to show our guests around a rainy and grey-in-grey town, but I am quite sure they enjoyed their stay with us nevertheless. And speaking of snow: right now, only 4 days after Christmas, my city is literally suffocating in it. It is so incredibly beautiful, if one can overlook the slippery chaos that the streets have turned into, and so massive that the feverishly working snow plows and hired shovelers can't be fast enough to get the streets free. In fact, 2 hours ago my boss had cleaned out his little porch with a broom, and when I open the door now to look out now it is as if he had done nothing at all.
This truly is my favorite time of the year, and as much as I miss Los Angeles, I have to say that wintertime is nowhere as beautiful and atmospheric as it is here in my own hometown.
Forgive me, dear reader, but I really do not have much else of interest to talk about right now. I have not been back to the Buddhist temple, because, if I even can pinpoint this down to a single reason, ever since I started to read this thorough book for the Buddhist-beginner, my old issues with any form, shape or kind of religion came up again, and right now this feeling is too strong for me to even really want to deal with it for the time being.
I am a bit disappointed with myself that I stopped seeing the good aspects of this awesome philosophy and started to see where the "religion" part is hidden in it. Faith... one has to have faith... not in God but in the reality of Buddha, and all the Boddisatvahs (sp) surrounding him, spreading blessings and inspirations on the way to enlightenment. And whereas I do not doubt the historical figure of Buddha and him being the founder of this awesome philosophy and way of life (- just as I do not doubt the historical existance of the man called Jesus), I cannot envision him floating around me in time and space, surrounded by the enlightened beings like the stars around the moon, direct my prayers to him, put my faith in him, and not laugh out loud at the same time.
As you can probably tell I have issues with iconizing human beings or even ideas, and worshipping them in any way, shape, or form.
I still do, however, like the idea behind Buddhism... I am still doing my reading and my research, and I am trying hard to find my way around the religion part of it, and absorbing what is agreeable and useful for me. I hope I will find my way back to it, and a way to accomodate my sceptical mind, because it felt good to have a place like the temple to go to, and to listen to Gen Demo's teachings.
As you can probably imagine, there are also no news on the bisexual front to report, either. I think I have gotten a bit lazy in this regard. I did make contact with a nice-appearing couple, but then kind of "forgot" to stay in touch with them. Is it because it was Christmas time, is it because I have given up... I do not know. I still cringe whenever The Fiancé tries to get me "in the mood" by mentioning any sort of "girly action", and focus all my imagination on seeing him with another guy instead. I guess this last experience of mine really put a halt to my ambitions to experience - isn't it so much easier to stick with what you know if there is nothing wrong with it, and save yourself all the trouble?
At the same time I really hope that this current state of my mind is temporary only. Otherwise I would be hugely disappointed with myself and my own integrity...
Also, I never knew that as a full-time-employed adult, Christmas preparations can actually really become rather stressful. Who would have thought. ;) If anything, I think that this year is marked by desperate last-minute wrapping and finishing of gifts, and sending other people to buy your gifts for you because you have to pull crazy overtime at work and by the time you get out, no store is open anymore. There was not much of "quiet time" for me this advent... and next year I'll start sooner with everything – I promise this to myself and my mental health.
Christmas itself has been especially beautiful this year, since we had guests from South America to spend the holidays with us, and to be shown around our hometown. It was a beautiful chaos of languages in my parents' apartment, and we were so many people that we barely all fit into the room where the tree and the gifts were... not to mention the fact that never in my life have I seen this many gifts underneath our tree as I did this year - just as our guests (including The Fiancé) had never seen real candles burning on a Christmas tree before.
White Christmas have been nothing but wishful thinking again this year, and it was a disappointment to show our guests around a rainy and grey-in-grey town, but I am quite sure they enjoyed their stay with us nevertheless. And speaking of snow: right now, only 4 days after Christmas, my city is literally suffocating in it. It is so incredibly beautiful, if one can overlook the slippery chaos that the streets have turned into, and so massive that the feverishly working snow plows and hired shovelers can't be fast enough to get the streets free. In fact, 2 hours ago my boss had cleaned out his little porch with a broom, and when I open the door now to look out now it is as if he had done nothing at all.
This truly is my favorite time of the year, and as much as I miss Los Angeles, I have to say that wintertime is nowhere as beautiful and atmospheric as it is here in my own hometown.
Forgive me, dear reader, but I really do not have much else of interest to talk about right now. I have not been back to the Buddhist temple, because, if I even can pinpoint this down to a single reason, ever since I started to read this thorough book for the Buddhist-beginner, my old issues with any form, shape or kind of religion came up again, and right now this feeling is too strong for me to even really want to deal with it for the time being.
I am a bit disappointed with myself that I stopped seeing the good aspects of this awesome philosophy and started to see where the "religion" part is hidden in it. Faith... one has to have faith... not in God but in the reality of Buddha, and all the Boddisatvahs (sp) surrounding him, spreading blessings and inspirations on the way to enlightenment. And whereas I do not doubt the historical figure of Buddha and him being the founder of this awesome philosophy and way of life (- just as I do not doubt the historical existance of the man called Jesus), I cannot envision him floating around me in time and space, surrounded by the enlightened beings like the stars around the moon, direct my prayers to him, put my faith in him, and not laugh out loud at the same time.
As you can probably tell I have issues with iconizing human beings or even ideas, and worshipping them in any way, shape, or form.
I still do, however, like the idea behind Buddhism... I am still doing my reading and my research, and I am trying hard to find my way around the religion part of it, and absorbing what is agreeable and useful for me. I hope I will find my way back to it, and a way to accomodate my sceptical mind, because it felt good to have a place like the temple to go to, and to listen to Gen Demo's teachings.
As you can probably imagine, there are also no news on the bisexual front to report, either. I think I have gotten a bit lazy in this regard. I did make contact with a nice-appearing couple, but then kind of "forgot" to stay in touch with them. Is it because it was Christmas time, is it because I have given up... I do not know. I still cringe whenever The Fiancé tries to get me "in the mood" by mentioning any sort of "girly action", and focus all my imagination on seeing him with another guy instead. I guess this last experience of mine really put a halt to my ambitions to experience - isn't it so much easier to stick with what you know if there is nothing wrong with it, and save yourself all the trouble?
At the same time I really hope that this current state of my mind is temporary only. Otherwise I would be hugely disappointed with myself and my own integrity...
Friday, December 02, 2005
Blogged Out
Work... work, doom to all good intentions.
I didn't make it last Wednesday... I feel like I missed out, but at the same time I feel like I saved 8 €, and that, at the end of a month, is never a bad thing. Alas, I do not wish to turn this thing into a blog about Buddhism, so I will not overdo this. Yet at the same time I wonder why I shouldn't. Coming to terms and coming out is a path to something bigger and better, and so is my recently budded interest in spirituality. Both lead to personal happiness, I am stumbling along both, and I do not know where they will take me. So I chronicle them here.
And speaking of chronicling. I have now finally given up my "real" blog over at my domain. I got bored of it, had nothing interesting to say anymore, knew of too many people reading that probably shouldn't. Plus, what does "real" mean, anyway? This here is much more real, much more ME than some semi-funny rather lame babblings on day-to-day-life occurances that nobody is really interested in, and which for the most part mask my true feelings and intentions.
Who are we kidding - people are voyeurs. People want juicy stuff, deep stuff, not the kind of drivel I was harrassing the internet with over on my domain. This here is real, because this here is anonymous for the most part.
About myspace? Yes, I have a myspace profile, yes I have announced the URL to it on my now defunct blog, and yes I have developed quite an unhealthy addiction to it. But, Autumn, not to worry. I am in no way intent on blogging there, save for some random comments I may feel like stating every once in a while with no real significance to anything but getting them off my chest. myspace is enjoyable mindless sillyness, the groups I am a member of are everything from a total hoot to really educating, and I actually do use it to keep in touch with some of my friends. I have no intentions to give up this blog as well - I guess I am not quite there yet, if I will ever be.
I didn't make it last Wednesday... I feel like I missed out, but at the same time I feel like I saved 8 €, and that, at the end of a month, is never a bad thing. Alas, I do not wish to turn this thing into a blog about Buddhism, so I will not overdo this. Yet at the same time I wonder why I shouldn't. Coming to terms and coming out is a path to something bigger and better, and so is my recently budded interest in spirituality. Both lead to personal happiness, I am stumbling along both, and I do not know where they will take me. So I chronicle them here.
And speaking of chronicling. I have now finally given up my "real" blog over at my domain. I got bored of it, had nothing interesting to say anymore, knew of too many people reading that probably shouldn't. Plus, what does "real" mean, anyway? This here is much more real, much more ME than some semi-funny rather lame babblings on day-to-day-life occurances that nobody is really interested in, and which for the most part mask my true feelings and intentions.
Who are we kidding - people are voyeurs. People want juicy stuff, deep stuff, not the kind of drivel I was harrassing the internet with over on my domain. This here is real, because this here is anonymous for the most part.
About myspace? Yes, I have a myspace profile, yes I have announced the URL to it on my now defunct blog, and yes I have developed quite an unhealthy addiction to it. But, Autumn, not to worry. I am in no way intent on blogging there, save for some random comments I may feel like stating every once in a while with no real significance to anything but getting them off my chest. myspace is enjoyable mindless sillyness, the groups I am a member of are everything from a total hoot to really educating, and I actually do use it to keep in touch with some of my friends. I have no intentions to give up this blog as well - I guess I am not quite there yet, if I will ever be.
