Monday, August 07, 2006
Keeping it under wraps?
I wonder if it was such a good idea to have told my best friend KL about our first threesome experience with Steven, since she knows him personally.
We had Steven over for dinner last night, mostly to finally give him his long-overdue wedding invitation, and partly because we haven't seen him in literally months. I can take only little doses of him at a time - it always was like this, plus he's run out of minutes on his pre-paid phone a while ago, and I am not exactly diligent with keeping up with my friends (I usually wait for them to call me), so there you have it.
I had no "naughty" thoughts about him coming over last night whatsoever - to me he was just the means to "break the ice" when we had our threesome, and I am set on not sleeping with him anymore ever again. (Of course I also said that 5 years ago, but hey!) I was looking forward to a nice (probably mind-fucking) evening of talk and food, and that's exactly what it turned out to be.
When I told KL about our dinner in the car on Saturday, she side-glanced at me, smirked in a funny way, and said something to the effect of "Well... don't you go being all dirty again, m'kay?"
...?
Is that what she'll think now every time I go hang out with my good friend? Will there be talk of this when they will both sit at the same table at our wedding reception, or some kind of awkwardness on her part? Will she always wonder about my activities whenever I will meet new people and develop a friendship with them... will she wonder what the nature of that new friendship will be, is she wondering if from now on we are sleeping with every new person we meet along the way?
I was considering to be more open about our "lifestyle", but after this, I am really starting to think that it's better to keep this as under-wraps as possible. Let's keep convictions and principles aside, and just live on as if nothing unusual is going on, thus keeping peace and good relations with everybody.
I don't know how many people are reading this, and I certainly don't know how many likeminded people are... but if you are, and are leading a life similar to mine or one in any other way "unusual", I'd be interested in how you are handling this. Are you open about your lifestyle? Are you open about your sexual "orientation"? How are you dealing with living "outside the box"? Do you mind akward side-glances from your friends? I appreciate all input. :)
We had Steven over for dinner last night, mostly to finally give him his long-overdue wedding invitation, and partly because we haven't seen him in literally months. I can take only little doses of him at a time - it always was like this, plus he's run out of minutes on his pre-paid phone a while ago, and I am not exactly diligent with keeping up with my friends (I usually wait for them to call me), so there you have it.
I had no "naughty" thoughts about him coming over last night whatsoever - to me he was just the means to "break the ice" when we had our threesome, and I am set on not sleeping with him anymore ever again. (Of course I also said that 5 years ago, but hey!) I was looking forward to a nice (probably mind-fucking) evening of talk and food, and that's exactly what it turned out to be.
When I told KL about our dinner in the car on Saturday, she side-glanced at me, smirked in a funny way, and said something to the effect of "Well... don't you go being all dirty again, m'kay?"
...?
Is that what she'll think now every time I go hang out with my good friend? Will there be talk of this when they will both sit at the same table at our wedding reception, or some kind of awkwardness on her part? Will she always wonder about my activities whenever I will meet new people and develop a friendship with them... will she wonder what the nature of that new friendship will be, is she wondering if from now on we are sleeping with every new person we meet along the way?
I was considering to be more open about our "lifestyle", but after this, I am really starting to think that it's better to keep this as under-wraps as possible. Let's keep convictions and principles aside, and just live on as if nothing unusual is going on, thus keeping peace and good relations with everybody.
I don't know how many people are reading this, and I certainly don't know how many likeminded people are... but if you are, and are leading a life similar to mine or one in any other way "unusual", I'd be interested in how you are handling this. Are you open about your lifestyle? Are you open about your sexual "orientation"? How are you dealing with living "outside the box"? Do you mind akward side-glances from your friends? I appreciate all input. :)
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I'm an incredibly private person. I don't talk about my private "family" life in detail with my friends or otherwise (which is part of why still months later I really haven't been able to find you answer to your "how does it work for you?" question from eons ago.) I find things that go in a relationship are best left to those in the relationship. Who gives a flying fuck about other people? It's none of their business unless they're in your bed, imo. We only just now started telling people Mike & I were engaged because I wanted to enjoy it privately for awhile, and the only people I was concerned about was our parents and my best friend. And lordy, you guys don't seem anywhere close anything quite as life altering and demanding of OUTness as v marriage and multi partner parenting quite yet :p
I guess I feel like not everyone needs to know everything, and the more of yourself you give away, the less special it'll be to those really involved, anyhow. My first first first priorities are to my partners, the ONLY two people in my life to who know everything. My friends, bless them for who they are, come second. I don't expect to know every detail of their lives, and man, they wouldn't want to know all of mine -- especially if they're gonna have some sort of kick in the teeth comment to make like that. I don't know how you took it or the context of the convo, but taking it at face value I'd feel like I'd just been called whorey.
I know having my mouth clamped makes me deadly mysterious to my friends and friends of friends, and I've become the subject of some nice little rumors. But the truth is, Sean and I have been together longer than anyone we know aside from our grandparents, a handful of our friends are working on their SECOND divorces just in their late 20's, so we must be doing something right for us. People are jealous of that, they're scared of what they don't understand, so it comes out like a slap in the face sometime, especially coming from a friend.
Now that's not to say I'm not "out" to some degree. I won't deny anything when asked. I'm poly and proud. And I love to talk about sex and relationship dynamics at face value -- to other people who enjoy the same things I do (unless I'm in the mood to debate, heh.)
But it's like, I don't tell just everyone that I collect dolls, either. I know some people think it's creepy, immature, and a waste of money. The people that I've invited in to our house know, and I imagine they probably tell others, but what business would it be of theirs to say, "You have too many dolls!" when it's something that makes me happy and has abosolutely no adverse impact on anyone in my household? It's not like I make them play with me, and the only time I talk about them is to my family and other doll collectors. I might mention them from time to time, but if someone has made fun of me for them before or given me that "you're a crazy DOLL person, aren't you?" look, well, it won't be mentioned anymore. I've always been the type to have separate circles of friends for varying interests.
Just pick what you say and who you say it to, don't dump anything all at once, feel your way first. If someone is squicked by the idea, they just don't need to know anything. Meet some new friends with mutual interests and issues to compliment the understanding or tolerance that you don't get with friends like "yer a derty gerl!" there. :p
I guess I feel like not everyone needs to know everything, and the more of yourself you give away, the less special it'll be to those really involved, anyhow. My first first first priorities are to my partners, the ONLY two people in my life to who know everything. My friends, bless them for who they are, come second. I don't expect to know every detail of their lives, and man, they wouldn't want to know all of mine -- especially if they're gonna have some sort of kick in the teeth comment to make like that. I don't know how you took it or the context of the convo, but taking it at face value I'd feel like I'd just been called whorey.
I know having my mouth clamped makes me deadly mysterious to my friends and friends of friends, and I've become the subject of some nice little rumors. But the truth is, Sean and I have been together longer than anyone we know aside from our grandparents, a handful of our friends are working on their SECOND divorces just in their late 20's, so we must be doing something right for us. People are jealous of that, they're scared of what they don't understand, so it comes out like a slap in the face sometime, especially coming from a friend.
Now that's not to say I'm not "out" to some degree. I won't deny anything when asked. I'm poly and proud. And I love to talk about sex and relationship dynamics at face value -- to other people who enjoy the same things I do (unless I'm in the mood to debate, heh.)
But it's like, I don't tell just everyone that I collect dolls, either. I know some people think it's creepy, immature, and a waste of money. The people that I've invited in to our house know, and I imagine they probably tell others, but what business would it be of theirs to say, "You have too many dolls!" when it's something that makes me happy and has abosolutely no adverse impact on anyone in my household? It's not like I make them play with me, and the only time I talk about them is to my family and other doll collectors. I might mention them from time to time, but if someone has made fun of me for them before or given me that "you're a crazy DOLL person, aren't you?" look, well, it won't be mentioned anymore. I've always been the type to have separate circles of friends for varying interests.
Just pick what you say and who you say it to, don't dump anything all at once, feel your way first. If someone is squicked by the idea, they just don't need to know anything. Meet some new friends with mutual interests and issues to compliment the understanding or tolerance that you don't get with friends like "yer a derty gerl!" there. :p
My partner and I don't have a relationship that is as open as yours. We're both allowed to kiss other girls, and have an understanding that more may be possible if it ends up being a natural progression and is agreed on by the both of us. Most of my friend's are really open-minded (I guess that's what happens when my friends are college students, ravers, and people who go to Burning Man?), so it doesn't really seem to matter much when it comes up. I don't go out of my way to mention it, though, unless it coems up in context in a conversation, or if I'm around people who I think would appreciate it.
That probably doesn't help. lol
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That probably doesn't help. lol
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: 9:14 PM
: 9:14 PM << Home
