So, how do I start the post, that this whole blog was intended to lead up to? The grande finale? Should it be smut-extravaganza, or should it be the simple rational conclusion I came to?

Internet, I have no idea. Let's just say that after dinner Girl.MD and I got a bit snuggly on the couch, and as things slowly and tenderly progressed, The Fiancé must have had the hardest time of his life to remain where he was and to not get himself into the mix. We were playing by her rules, and her rules stated that he be a spectator at best during her (and my) first time with a woman. I could tell that he was the most tortured spectator the world has ever seen. After a while he retreated to our table and focused all his attention onto his current drawing, to keep himself distracted and his mind occupied. But there was sweat pearling on his forehead, and the glances he shot us from time to time were animalistic in nature. It was a huge turn-on for me to actually see him like that - driven by his need, yet bound by his promise.

Girl.MD started things of slowly... lots of kissing, touching and exploring, and at first I thought that's all that there was going to be. I am not much of the long-foreplay-type, so I was very pleased when she finally discovered that I was wearing no panties underneath my skirt, and things started picking up quite rapidly after that.

She was just as eager as I was to explore the mystery that is a woman up-close, so I soon forgot the world around me and focused on her explorations. I kept an eye on The Fiancé, who was sweating profusely by now. His drawing has progressed more last night than it has over the course of the past weeks. It was a very interesting hour to say the least. I felt, I touched, I experienced, I learned. Things that were previously happening only in my head were suddenly right before me, and I used every opportunity I was given to its fullest. It was exciting, educational... very focused inward and with much listening inside myself.

Of course The Fiancé was rewarded for his patience and for his iron will to respectfully keep his promise, and the night took on a completely different turn then. I half-expected to feel a pang of jealousy when I saw him kissing her, and later when I shared him with her fully - but I learned then, as The Fiancé had before when we were with Bud, that it really is all just a matter of how to approach things in one's own head. Things previously perceived as a threat and danger to any relationship suddenly are welcomed, wanted, and a huge enrichment of our love-life. It was a wonderful experience.

She left around 2 in the morning, 4 hours before we had to get up again for a long day in the office. It's been my hardest day in the office yet, I had lost count of my ingested espressos around noon. Yet The Fiancé and I have been moving through this day like we are floating on a cloud, and I am very happy that I had finally had my opportunity to repay him for the selfless and open-minded things he has allowed me before.

As far as my experience with Girl.MD is concerned... I enjoyed it a lot, and it was very different from being with a man. Actually, it was all that I always imagined it to be, and it was wonderful. I am still no more attracted to her than I was before, and I would have given a world for the opportunity to experience last night with the woman who inspired this whole journey in the first place. When I closed my eyes I saw Jo instead... her pull on me is still that strong. It was wonderful and I am sure I will do it again when the time is right, but at the same time - after this experience - I have realized that men will always hold a stronger spell on me than women. I felt a very strong urge to be with The Fiancé after I was with Girl.MD, and his masculine presence was very reassuring for me.

All throughout the day I felt a bit weird about myself. I felt affirmed in my bisexuality now that it has moved out of my head and into the real world, and I feel wonderful and accomplished. Somehow whole. But all the questioning is gone now too, the unproportional desperate significance that my mind had put onto my bisexuality due to my lack of any real-life experience has snapped back to normal size, and retreated somewhat into the back of my conscience again. Sex is wonderful with men, and sex is wonderful with women as I now know - but it isn't about the genitalia attached to a person that makes it or breaks it, it is the person itself. Having had sex with Girl.MD to me was like having sex with Bud. Purely physical, and without any emotional gratification the way I get from The Fiancé. For all my desperate longing for a woman, in the end I just wanted to be with my man. I learned that it's not a primal longing for a female body in any shape or form that I am suffering because of some genetical particularity of myself that allows me to be attracted to both genders, but a deeper emotional longing for one certain woman, or somebody who can captivate me and hold me in her spell the way she did. And that woman is not Girl.MD.

It's all a learning process.

This blog is almost two years old, and it took this long for me to come to this realization.

I know now for certain that I truly am as bisexual as I thought myself to be in my head, but I now also know that I will not deal with my attraction for women in a lose manner. I am now comfortable with the physical confirmation of my mental assumption, but I will not allow this to deteriorate into a carnal using their bodies to satisfy me whenever the urge strikes me. I want being with a woman to remain special... to share it with a special woman that captivates me like Jo did, and to stick to my beloved men for the animalistic and wild fuck-fests that are so much fun for me. :)