Monday, July 17, 2006
Just in time to focus on the wedding...
Girl.MD isn't working out for several reasons. a) I am not attracted to her, and after our experience I am having the same sentiments about her as I would have if I had had sex with a guy I didn't feel attracted to, and it makes me feel kind of funny inside, and b) she has confessed feelings for me that are "more than are good for her".
Yay.
I start to understand men more and more, how they can get annoyed with women's constant need for emotional connecitivity and closeness outside the bedroom, when all they wanna do is fuck.
I just wanted to fuck, m'kay...?
We emailed a couple of times since then, and those emails were really honest and out in the open. I told her that one of our basic rules is that we cannot continue "using" people if there is any sort of emotional attachment developing, and that I cannot be emotionally attached to her, she said that she has never imagined it would be so wonderful with me, but that the more time passed since then she realized that her emotional attachment was just an overreaction to being overstimulated, and that with all this openness and confessions of what we want out of a relationship like this, she does not want to continue intimacy with us.
This really works well for me, and I am glad that she said it like this, before I would have had to hurt her feelings with a more blunt statement than my polite beating around the bush before.
So I go and email Bud for some nice m/m/f... and he goes ahead and tells me that he has a girlfriend now. Of the "I-wanna-be-faithful-to-her" kind. What the...? Girlfriednds were never part of the contract! I mean, don't get me wrong, I am very happy for him... but... ugh? What a bummer. I think these kind of "relationships" actually are more complicated than we thought... especially when needy women and handsome single men are involved.
So it's either monogamy, or a couple with the same needs and ideas of how this is supposed to work as us.
Either way I am fine right now... I am feeling accomplished and in tune with myself, and much clearer in my head than I was before. I could give The Fiancé some of what he wanted, and that makes me happy, too. The wedding will take place in 7 weeks, and there is so much left to do and to organize, that we don't have time for anything else anyway, our current 12-hour-days at the office taken into consideration.
I never thought I'd ever adopt such a manly way of thinking in certain regards. Shane from The L-Word, much...? No kidding.
Yay.
I start to understand men more and more, how they can get annoyed with women's constant need for emotional connecitivity and closeness outside the bedroom, when all they wanna do is fuck.
I just wanted to fuck, m'kay...?
We emailed a couple of times since then, and those emails were really honest and out in the open. I told her that one of our basic rules is that we cannot continue "using" people if there is any sort of emotional attachment developing, and that I cannot be emotionally attached to her, she said that she has never imagined it would be so wonderful with me, but that the more time passed since then she realized that her emotional attachment was just an overreaction to being overstimulated, and that with all this openness and confessions of what we want out of a relationship like this, she does not want to continue intimacy with us.
This really works well for me, and I am glad that she said it like this, before I would have had to hurt her feelings with a more blunt statement than my polite beating around the bush before.
So I go and email Bud for some nice m/m/f... and he goes ahead and tells me that he has a girlfriend now. Of the "I-wanna-be-faithful-to-her" kind. What the...? Girlfriednds were never part of the contract! I mean, don't get me wrong, I am very happy for him... but... ugh? What a bummer. I think these kind of "relationships" actually are more complicated than we thought... especially when needy women and handsome single men are involved.
So it's either monogamy, or a couple with the same needs and ideas of how this is supposed to work as us.
Either way I am fine right now... I am feeling accomplished and in tune with myself, and much clearer in my head than I was before. I could give The Fiancé some of what he wanted, and that makes me happy, too. The wedding will take place in 7 weeks, and there is so much left to do and to organize, that we don't have time for anything else anyway, our current 12-hour-days at the office taken into consideration.
I never thought I'd ever adopt such a manly way of thinking in certain regards. Shane from The L-Word, much...? No kidding.
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Ooh, do you really have it in you to be a heartbreaker like Shane? Draaaaamaaaaaa!
If you ditch Vic at your wedding you'll have a lot of explaining to do. ;)
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If you ditch Vic at your wedding you'll have a lot of explaining to do. ;)
# posted by 
: 11:23 AM
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