Tuesday, May 09, 2006
Lifestyle Musings
So Girly has written me back twice since my last post. Admittedly, her mails are short and don't offer a whole lot of information, but at least the overtone is positive: her boyfriend doesn't mind that I will not be "to have" by my lonesome, and she mentioned she would like to be friends. So I cautiously suggested the weekend for a face-off, for then at least I can see if in real life she's as greedy with words as she is online, and if there's a point in even trying. I kind of start to like the idea of "courting" her if I like her smile as much in real life as I do on those pictures, bit by bit, until I get her to where I want her to be: sprawled out in front of me, legs spread wide, and squirming under the gentle explorations of my virgin tongue. Of course that's just me fantasizing, but dayamn, you should have seen that smile of hers.
And speaking of liking ideas. The more The Fiancé and I explore and fantasize the concept of having fun together with other people, the more I feel the lifestyle slipping over me and fitting like a glove. I never would have thought that I was that "kind of person", but the more I think about it, the more it seems like the perfect way to go for me. I know there is no such thing as an "insurance" of sorts to make a relationship work, to keep the boredom at bay, and to ensure that the partner doesn't cheat... but I think our concept comes as close to this as ever possible: I allow him to bang whoever he wants, whenever he wants - as long as I am right there with him, enjoying the show. And believe it or not, to see your partner enjoying himself with another person can be a huge turn-on, and it has been for me. It changed my definition of love, excluding physical exclusivity and focusing much more on the emotional, and it had widened my horizon by a huge leap. To be able to accept and to enjoy your partner's enjoyment with somebody else is, if approached with the right attitude, a considerable enrichment of your mental well-being: you shed rigid ideas that forge jealousy and distrust, embrace what you previously perceived as a threat, and use it to your advantage. It is a very liberating experience to open up such an intimate and exclusive part of one's relationship to somebody else, it elevated us above and beyond the average. Our bisexuality and our ability to share this with "people" as opposed to "genders" takes this liberation even a step further.
In my every day life I notice the change as well. I am moving through the world with a self-confidence and contentment that I haven't known to such an extent before. I feel free to check out whomever I like and to whatever extent I like, and I don't feel threatened or jealous when I notice The Fiancé noticing somebody else. I accept the underlying nature of such behavior in males, and don't use it as a source of constant arguments and disagreements. I am aware that he will not be attracted to me exclusively for this lies within human nature as well, and can accept that fact without having to worry about him acting upon his urges behind my back. In the same context I do not have to feel guilty either if I turn around after some guy or chick, or grab some guy's ass on the dancefloor in the spur of the moment. In the process of all of this I am learning to truly differentiate between love and sex, and this freedom that we are giving each other binds us together much stronger and deepens our desire to be with each other all the more.
I guess it's true what they say: things are only truly interesting as long as they are "forbidden". The mysteries of the unknown, the thrill and excitement of doing something bad without getting caught. Take away the "forbidden" character and suddenly things become far less enticing than they were before. It's like the boss Tom Leykis says: gambling is forbidden in most parts of the US, and so is showing boobs on television. Alcohol isn't sold to teens under the age of 21. The obsession with the average American with both gambling and boobs is tremendous, and the second they go to Europe all they ever do is get fucked up in bars and write excited postcards to their friends at home about all the chicks walking around topless on public beaches, and nudity on afternoon TV. And the European teens? Rather spend their evenings socializing with friends instead of getting fuck-faced, have one relaxed beer or two, and the casinos are generally empty. Nude boobs cost them not even a glance, and they grew up with nipples on TV since they were small children. The point? Gambling, boobs, and booze are not forbidden, are not taboo, they are part of our every day lives here. The result? We generally have a relaxed and chill attitude towards these things, and being involved with them is no big deal to anybody, whereas Americans call for a state crisis when Janet Jackson's patched up nipple is visible on public TV for a nanosecond. I guess you get the parallel from this to how The Fiancé and I approach our sex life: fucking others isn't forbidden, therefore it isn't a predominant thought in neither of our heads. It's kind of like going to a bar for a beer: if we want it, we simply go and do it, end of story.
And with all this freedom I am getting, all the possibilities I am having... who's in my thoughts and fantasies 24/7...?
Right.
My future husband. :)
And speaking of liking ideas. The more The Fiancé and I explore and fantasize the concept of having fun together with other people, the more I feel the lifestyle slipping over me and fitting like a glove. I never would have thought that I was that "kind of person", but the more I think about it, the more it seems like the perfect way to go for me. I know there is no such thing as an "insurance" of sorts to make a relationship work, to keep the boredom at bay, and to ensure that the partner doesn't cheat... but I think our concept comes as close to this as ever possible: I allow him to bang whoever he wants, whenever he wants - as long as I am right there with him, enjoying the show. And believe it or not, to see your partner enjoying himself with another person can be a huge turn-on, and it has been for me. It changed my definition of love, excluding physical exclusivity and focusing much more on the emotional, and it had widened my horizon by a huge leap. To be able to accept and to enjoy your partner's enjoyment with somebody else is, if approached with the right attitude, a considerable enrichment of your mental well-being: you shed rigid ideas that forge jealousy and distrust, embrace what you previously perceived as a threat, and use it to your advantage. It is a very liberating experience to open up such an intimate and exclusive part of one's relationship to somebody else, it elevated us above and beyond the average. Our bisexuality and our ability to share this with "people" as opposed to "genders" takes this liberation even a step further.
In my every day life I notice the change as well. I am moving through the world with a self-confidence and contentment that I haven't known to such an extent before. I feel free to check out whomever I like and to whatever extent I like, and I don't feel threatened or jealous when I notice The Fiancé noticing somebody else. I accept the underlying nature of such behavior in males, and don't use it as a source of constant arguments and disagreements. I am aware that he will not be attracted to me exclusively for this lies within human nature as well, and can accept that fact without having to worry about him acting upon his urges behind my back. In the same context I do not have to feel guilty either if I turn around after some guy or chick, or grab some guy's ass on the dancefloor in the spur of the moment. In the process of all of this I am learning to truly differentiate between love and sex, and this freedom that we are giving each other binds us together much stronger and deepens our desire to be with each other all the more.
I guess it's true what they say: things are only truly interesting as long as they are "forbidden". The mysteries of the unknown, the thrill and excitement of doing something bad without getting caught. Take away the "forbidden" character and suddenly things become far less enticing than they were before. It's like the boss Tom Leykis says: gambling is forbidden in most parts of the US, and so is showing boobs on television. Alcohol isn't sold to teens under the age of 21. The obsession with the average American with both gambling and boobs is tremendous, and the second they go to Europe all they ever do is get fucked up in bars and write excited postcards to their friends at home about all the chicks walking around topless on public beaches, and nudity on afternoon TV. And the European teens? Rather spend their evenings socializing with friends instead of getting fuck-faced, have one relaxed beer or two, and the casinos are generally empty. Nude boobs cost them not even a glance, and they grew up with nipples on TV since they were small children. The point? Gambling, boobs, and booze are not forbidden, are not taboo, they are part of our every day lives here. The result? We generally have a relaxed and chill attitude towards these things, and being involved with them is no big deal to anybody, whereas Americans call for a state crisis when Janet Jackson's patched up nipple is visible on public TV for a nanosecond. I guess you get the parallel from this to how The Fiancé and I approach our sex life: fucking others isn't forbidden, therefore it isn't a predominant thought in neither of our heads. It's kind of like going to a bar for a beer: if we want it, we simply go and do it, end of story.
And with all this freedom I am getting, all the possibilities I am having... who's in my thoughts and fantasies 24/7...?
Right.
My future husband. :)
