Wednesday, May 03, 2006
Frisky...
Oh my, getting all frisky again. Interesting sensation... after our experience with Steven I really didn't long for a repeat, but I do have to admit that my craving to be with both The Fiancé and Bud again is quite noticeable right now. Bud and I have since been continuing to email each other, so there is no awkwardness or anything. We just haven't found the time to meet again ever since, we all seem to be really busy individuals with a tight schedule that keeps us from being able to hook up as we would like to.
Now that the new band keeps me busy 3 evenings out of the week and the remaining 4 have to be split somehow between my own business, our wedding preparations, my family, and some friends that are already complaining that they never see me anymore, it is already hard enough to spend quality time in our relationship as it is, without even thinking about booty-calling Bud over. The Fiancé hasn't been too much into the idea lately either, but since a couple of days ago I have caught him talking about it again more and more, with a certain twinkle in his eyes, so I know he really wants it again just as well.
I am looking forward to next time. I think there will be a whole different level of excitement involved, seeing as I will very likely have intercourse with Bud this time around, the thought of which really makes me tingle inside. To be fair though, we have started a single profile at the same provider Bud found us through, posing as a trio looking for our #4. A girl, obvioulsy, and a bisexual one, too.
I am not sure where this is heading. First Steven, now Bud... and it doesn't seem to stop there. And none of us seems to mind. And the more we do it, the more we think of this lifestyle choice in terms of "normal". I think of going back to that swinger bar as I would think of going to the coffee shop down the street, and I am not sure if I should be worried, or excited. I am thinking about having sex with another man and watch The Fiancé have sex with another woman, and there is no tiny little alarm bell going off in my head, no moral voice that tells me that what I am doing is wrong. I am starting to slightly pity those who are trapped in relationships that could be so wonderful, wouldn't their major source of tension and arguments revolve around sex and jealousy and the quite natural need that arises in everybody at some point or another, and the need to sneak around each other's back and suppress everything that's so natural. I don't like these feelings of pity for they are arrogant and slightly holier-than-though, but that doesn't change the fact that I feel them anyway.
At any rate, I hope that some cute girl will find us and join us soon. Who would have thought that this blog, which was intended as nothing but a documentary on my journey to myself will lead me to a self that I didn't even know was within me.
Now that the new band keeps me busy 3 evenings out of the week and the remaining 4 have to be split somehow between my own business, our wedding preparations, my family, and some friends that are already complaining that they never see me anymore, it is already hard enough to spend quality time in our relationship as it is, without even thinking about booty-calling Bud over. The Fiancé hasn't been too much into the idea lately either, but since a couple of days ago I have caught him talking about it again more and more, with a certain twinkle in his eyes, so I know he really wants it again just as well.
I am looking forward to next time. I think there will be a whole different level of excitement involved, seeing as I will very likely have intercourse with Bud this time around, the thought of which really makes me tingle inside. To be fair though, we have started a single profile at the same provider Bud found us through, posing as a trio looking for our #4. A girl, obvioulsy, and a bisexual one, too.
I am not sure where this is heading. First Steven, now Bud... and it doesn't seem to stop there. And none of us seems to mind. And the more we do it, the more we think of this lifestyle choice in terms of "normal". I think of going back to that swinger bar as I would think of going to the coffee shop down the street, and I am not sure if I should be worried, or excited. I am thinking about having sex with another man and watch The Fiancé have sex with another woman, and there is no tiny little alarm bell going off in my head, no moral voice that tells me that what I am doing is wrong. I am starting to slightly pity those who are trapped in relationships that could be so wonderful, wouldn't their major source of tension and arguments revolve around sex and jealousy and the quite natural need that arises in everybody at some point or another, and the need to sneak around each other's back and suppress everything that's so natural. I don't like these feelings of pity for they are arrogant and slightly holier-than-though, but that doesn't change the fact that I feel them anyway.
At any rate, I hope that some cute girl will find us and join us soon. Who would have thought that this blog, which was intended as nothing but a documentary on my journey to myself will lead me to a self that I didn't even know was within me.
