Wednesday, April 26, 2006
sorry, this will be quite sappy
So The Fiancé and I are together for 3 years and some change. Enough time to be sufficiently used to each other, and for sex not to be surprise with butterflies in your stomach anymore. Right?
Right. And to think that today all he did was a silly little gesture to a song, in which he grabbed the shoulder of an invisble woman bent over before him with one hand, and slowly thrust his pelvic area forward rhytmically to the music as if fucking her doggy style, eyes closed and with a cocky smile on his face, and that this was all it took to reduce me to a blabbering fool on the spot, and sent me into a masturbating frenzy as soon as I came home, during which I couldn't stop thinking about him and how incredibly handsome and charismatic and sexy he is. To think that's all it takes... still... and I know I am with the right man for the rest of my life.
Can't remember that the last guy who's made it through more than 3 years with me ever induced such thoughts and feelings within me, by merely striking a silly pose for me.
Such charming arrogance with which he carries himself, such sensual abandon with which he indulges in his own sexual pleasures, such self-confidence with which he admits to and lives out his sexual preferences, without caring if his masculinity would be threatened by this in any way - and therefore seeming even more masculine. He is a man who pursues what he wants, gets what he wants, and has no thoughts about if what he likes and what he does is "socially" acceptable or not, just as long as it serves his pleasure and contentment. It is almost as if our recent encounter with Bud only increased his self-confidence even more (if that was even possible!), as if he is now acutely aware of the increased sexual power he holds over me in our shared secret knowledge of what happened. He knows his position, he knows he is the Alpha male, and he completely holds me in his spell, knowing that I know it too.
And I don't mind this arrangement for one second. I like these unconscious little power games, and the aura of victory that seems to surround him. I love the way he carries himself, and how he sometimes has me naked and spread out before him at the snip of his fingers, just because he charms me with his good looks and his attitude all day, so I can't help myself and am craving for the smallest chance to pleasure him. I love how he switches between powerful being in charge and using me to his pleasure, to completely submitting to me for little whiles, to holding me in his strong arms as close to his body as he possibly can, to reaffirm the emotional bond between us when we make love. He is versatile, he enjoys himself no matter what, he can be the most wonderful and selfless lover in one second, and the selfishly and roughly pounding manbeast in the next. He can be proper and sophisticated to the outside world, and he can forget about all "morals" and "rules" of society when he gives himself with complete abandon to new experiences and experiments.
I have never loved and craved a man like I do him. He is the most wonderful man I have ever met - despite all the fighting and arguing that is going on between us all the time. It's just another sign of the intensity of our relationship. And he certainly is the most handsome man I ever got to lay my hands on. He is tall... 6'1"... with raven black shiny hair which he keeps nice and short and which stands off his head in all directions in a peppy way. His eyes, framed by long and thick black lashes are dark as the night and burning with life and passion from deeply within. He has thick and beautiful sensual lips, which can form into the most beautiful and charming warm smile, and his jaw is wide and angular, just like a man's is supposed to be like. He sports a boheme little chin beard, more like a "landing strip", which shines in all possible colors from raven black to red to blonde. He is wide framed, not at all scrawny for a man his size, and he is has the most beautiful artist's hands I have ever seen on a man: large palms, long and eloquent fingers, perfectly shaped and well-kept nails. My already quite large hands can disappear in his, and he knows so well what to do with them. He has an excellent taste in clothing somewhere between stylish-chic and skater-punk, and his choice of pants makes me want to grab his delicious Latino ass and squeeze it every time I see it. Women turn their heads wherever he shows up, and he got his ass grabbed right in front of me more times than I can count by now. I am not the only one reacting to his handsome face and imposing frame the way I do... I see the looks we get from women out on the streets all the time. And I am the one who gets to take him home with me, who gets to feel his lips on me, the caress of his hands... his whispered "I love you"s. He can go on and on and on for hours, and have multiple orgasms that would put an experienced woman to shame. (And certainly every man we have so far shared our love life with.) He is not jealous, and very adventurous, thus allowing for the kind of exciting sex life that we currently enjoy. He makes me the happiest and most satisfied woman on this planet, and I cannot wait to become his wife, share his last name, become legally one with him.
What brought this on? I am not sure. He sure deserves it. I love him. But I guess it was because I was listening to a Tom Leykis podcast today in which - again - it was all about the conflict between men and women, and how they just can't get along, and never have satisfying and lasting healthy relationships with each other. It made me think, it made me look at all the relationships around me, the boredom that is so obviously seeping out of every pore of them, the routine, the trheat of cheating or leaving each other for someone else dangerously looming above them wherever I look. I look at that, at these people, and can't help but feel that I have won the lottery with my husband-to-be. Our relationship is loving, stable, on a wonderful emotional level. There is no danger of cheating, because we allow each other all the excitement we would want or need, and live it out in the open. I find comfort in the thought that he will not sneak around me to satisfy some momentary need for someone else behind my back, because he is free to bring her into our relationship and use her to his liking along with me. He is not sexually repressed, and he doesn't have to live with a paranoid woman who throws a tantrum if he as much as turns his head after another person, or dares to mention a hot ass in front of her, or looks at boobs on the internet. He moves with the confidence of a man who knows that he can get whatever he wants, and that confidence makes him all the more attractive to me.
I believe it's close to impossible to find a person who shares your views on such aspects of life so 100% as he does with me. It's close to impossible to find a person who not only shares your views and opinions with you, but is also so stunningly handsome, arrograntly charming, extremely self-confident, incredibly good in bed, open to everything you throw at him, and combines artistic talent with awesome style and taste, and brains to match my own.
It's close to impossible... but I have found it all. I must have led a pretty damn good past life, in order to be rewarded like that in this one. I am the most satisfied and happy woman on this planet, for I have truly found that one person that I was meant to be with.
Right. And to think that today all he did was a silly little gesture to a song, in which he grabbed the shoulder of an invisble woman bent over before him with one hand, and slowly thrust his pelvic area forward rhytmically to the music as if fucking her doggy style, eyes closed and with a cocky smile on his face, and that this was all it took to reduce me to a blabbering fool on the spot, and sent me into a masturbating frenzy as soon as I came home, during which I couldn't stop thinking about him and how incredibly handsome and charismatic and sexy he is. To think that's all it takes... still... and I know I am with the right man for the rest of my life.
Can't remember that the last guy who's made it through more than 3 years with me ever induced such thoughts and feelings within me, by merely striking a silly pose for me.
Such charming arrogance with which he carries himself, such sensual abandon with which he indulges in his own sexual pleasures, such self-confidence with which he admits to and lives out his sexual preferences, without caring if his masculinity would be threatened by this in any way - and therefore seeming even more masculine. He is a man who pursues what he wants, gets what he wants, and has no thoughts about if what he likes and what he does is "socially" acceptable or not, just as long as it serves his pleasure and contentment. It is almost as if our recent encounter with Bud only increased his self-confidence even more (if that was even possible!), as if he is now acutely aware of the increased sexual power he holds over me in our shared secret knowledge of what happened. He knows his position, he knows he is the Alpha male, and he completely holds me in his spell, knowing that I know it too.
And I don't mind this arrangement for one second. I like these unconscious little power games, and the aura of victory that seems to surround him. I love the way he carries himself, and how he sometimes has me naked and spread out before him at the snip of his fingers, just because he charms me with his good looks and his attitude all day, so I can't help myself and am craving for the smallest chance to pleasure him. I love how he switches between powerful being in charge and using me to his pleasure, to completely submitting to me for little whiles, to holding me in his strong arms as close to his body as he possibly can, to reaffirm the emotional bond between us when we make love. He is versatile, he enjoys himself no matter what, he can be the most wonderful and selfless lover in one second, and the selfishly and roughly pounding manbeast in the next. He can be proper and sophisticated to the outside world, and he can forget about all "morals" and "rules" of society when he gives himself with complete abandon to new experiences and experiments.
I have never loved and craved a man like I do him. He is the most wonderful man I have ever met - despite all the fighting and arguing that is going on between us all the time. It's just another sign of the intensity of our relationship. And he certainly is the most handsome man I ever got to lay my hands on. He is tall... 6'1"... with raven black shiny hair which he keeps nice and short and which stands off his head in all directions in a peppy way. His eyes, framed by long and thick black lashes are dark as the night and burning with life and passion from deeply within. He has thick and beautiful sensual lips, which can form into the most beautiful and charming warm smile, and his jaw is wide and angular, just like a man's is supposed to be like. He sports a boheme little chin beard, more like a "landing strip", which shines in all possible colors from raven black to red to blonde. He is wide framed, not at all scrawny for a man his size, and he is has the most beautiful artist's hands I have ever seen on a man: large palms, long and eloquent fingers, perfectly shaped and well-kept nails. My already quite large hands can disappear in his, and he knows so well what to do with them. He has an excellent taste in clothing somewhere between stylish-chic and skater-punk, and his choice of pants makes me want to grab his delicious Latino ass and squeeze it every time I see it. Women turn their heads wherever he shows up, and he got his ass grabbed right in front of me more times than I can count by now. I am not the only one reacting to his handsome face and imposing frame the way I do... I see the looks we get from women out on the streets all the time. And I am the one who gets to take him home with me, who gets to feel his lips on me, the caress of his hands... his whispered "I love you"s. He can go on and on and on for hours, and have multiple orgasms that would put an experienced woman to shame. (And certainly every man we have so far shared our love life with.) He is not jealous, and very adventurous, thus allowing for the kind of exciting sex life that we currently enjoy. He makes me the happiest and most satisfied woman on this planet, and I cannot wait to become his wife, share his last name, become legally one with him.
What brought this on? I am not sure. He sure deserves it. I love him. But I guess it was because I was listening to a Tom Leykis podcast today in which - again - it was all about the conflict between men and women, and how they just can't get along, and never have satisfying and lasting healthy relationships with each other. It made me think, it made me look at all the relationships around me, the boredom that is so obviously seeping out of every pore of them, the routine, the trheat of cheating or leaving each other for someone else dangerously looming above them wherever I look. I look at that, at these people, and can't help but feel that I have won the lottery with my husband-to-be. Our relationship is loving, stable, on a wonderful emotional level. There is no danger of cheating, because we allow each other all the excitement we would want or need, and live it out in the open. I find comfort in the thought that he will not sneak around me to satisfy some momentary need for someone else behind my back, because he is free to bring her into our relationship and use her to his liking along with me. He is not sexually repressed, and he doesn't have to live with a paranoid woman who throws a tantrum if he as much as turns his head after another person, or dares to mention a hot ass in front of her, or looks at boobs on the internet. He moves with the confidence of a man who knows that he can get whatever he wants, and that confidence makes him all the more attractive to me.
I believe it's close to impossible to find a person who shares your views on such aspects of life so 100% as he does with me. It's close to impossible to find a person who not only shares your views and opinions with you, but is also so stunningly handsome, arrograntly charming, extremely self-confident, incredibly good in bed, open to everything you throw at him, and combines artistic talent with awesome style and taste, and brains to match my own.
It's close to impossible... but I have found it all. I must have led a pretty damn good past life, in order to be rewarded like that in this one. I am the most satisfied and happy woman on this planet, for I have truly found that one person that I was meant to be with.
