Today I met with my best friend at her place after work. We are planning on a once-a-week girly evening by the schedule, because since we're "all grown up" and members of the working world it seems completely impossible to be spontaneous anymore and meet up whenever we feel like it.

So over chocolates and potatoe chips at some point certainly my Saturday night came up. Of course.

We talked and I contemplated, and at some point I asked her if she thought I was a promiscuous person. A whore, to put it bluntly.

Let me put things into perspective. My female friends and acquaintances? One hasn't had sex in almost three years. One is married and has two kids. One has had only one orgasm with all the men she's ever slept with. Another one called the first one abovementioned "abnormal" for being able to orgasm everytime she had sex with her ex boyfriend, and for having sex 3 to 4 times a week after living together for two years. One thinks that giving head is nasty, masturbating gets you to hell, and being on top is something she'd never do because it makes her tits dangle into the guy's face. One has had only one single boyfriend in all the 10 or 11 years I have known her, and still lives with her father at 34 years old. One complained to me about her ex, who wanted sex in more or less regular intervals that can be expected in a relationship, and how she therefore had to fake frequent headaches. One always has her "period" whenever her husband wants sex. One has huge moral issues with any kind of pornography and the watching thereof. One lost her virginity at the age of 21 to a guy whom she got married to 5 years later. One acts as if she is above and beyond the carnal act of sex and treats it as if it was nonexistant altogether, yet has gotten knocked up way before she got married.

You see, I really do not consider myself in any way abnormal or a pervert. I have not had more sexual partners than I could count on my fingers, I have had one threesome with my husband-to-be and a very trusted and respected friend of mine, and I am openly yet quite inexperiencedly bisexual, having done nothing more than kissed two females in my entire life. I have no moral objections to masturbation, I enjoy whatever position feels good without worrying about the optics of dangling girly bits, and giving head is one of my specialties. I have the ability to have multiple orgasms and I do come everytime I have sex with my partner. I watch and enjoy pornography on occasion, and I do not mind The Fiancé jerking off to porn when I am not at home and unavailable. I still have sex about 3 to 4 times a week, even though The Fiancé and I are rather close to hitting our 3-year-mark, and I would be rather alarmed if things were otherwise. I have a genital piercing, and I sometimes allow The Fiancé to fuck me up the butt. And I have no problem talking about it openly to whoever asks me, because it's the most natural thing in the world that everybody does, and if they don't they are THINKING about doing it.

Like I said, I do not consider any of this out of the norm, or promiscuous. Not even quite adventurous. Or in any way unusual. I actually think of myself as rather inexperienced still - almost conservative even... at least compared to some other practiced lifestyles out there, next to which I must seem like a nun, and which I have a lot of work for to do to be able to "measure up" against.

However it is hard to believe that all these things that I consider to be so "cookie cutter" apparently are so exotic and extreme to most people I know. These girls and women whom I know, are they ever doing more than laying on their backs once a week in the dark, granting their partners their weekly orgasm and then being ashamed of secretly masturbating afterwards to get their own pleasure? It can hardly be any other way, for this is what I see in their eyes when they grow large when I talk about the things I do that seem so utterly normal and boring to me. The truly shocking thing about this is not that they may think me a promiscuous whore and completly lacking any morals or dignity... the truly shocking thing is that there are so many girls and women out there who are afraid of letting go, afraid to find out what they really like, afraid to teach their partners, and afraid to be true to and proud of themselves. They are afraid to experiment and to seek new horizons, they hide behind codes of society and deny themselves all the pleasure they could experience, if they were just able to cut out all the indoctrinated rules of their society and/or religion and truly be themselves.

Having slept with another man in agreement with and presence of my husband-to-be is less morally questionable than to feign embarrassment and shock at the imagination of such, and then secretly and ashamedly masturbating to that very same thought, all the while worrying that masturbation is evil in the first place.

Talking about sex openly with my friends and even blogging about it is less offending than blocking out everything remotely sexual completely as if it does not exist altogether, yet having to get up half an hour early every morning to get your child to kindergarten before going to work.

Being able to have an orgasm every time I have frequent sex with my partner does not make me "abnormal", it makes me happy and satisfied and overall balanced and content with my daily life.

Having a good sex life should not be exclusive to socially perceived "kinks" and "whores", or a "certain breed of people". It should be the normal thing that it is to me and some other women for every woman out there, and I wish that only half of the time I talk about sex in general and my sex life in particular a woman would get inspired to do what she really thinks of doing when the night is dark and her thoughts are hers alone.

Maybe this really is another reason why I pour myself out like I do on this blog, even at the risk of any real-life close friends finding me here (again) and knowing more about me than is "acceptable", while they themselves shroud themselves in privacy and decent secrecy and probably shake their heads at me in pity behind my back. I am not really an exhibitionist, but goddamn, if this blog helps only one single woman to grab the bull by his balls and start to be true to herself and shake off her shackles of false modesty and seemliness, then I have done a good deed to my gender-mates indeed.