Wednesday, February 01, 2006
Putting things into perspective
Time to think about what I am expecting, or what I would like to get out of an arrangement like the one we are striving to establish, maybe?
Given, we do not know Mr. Cuba yet, we do not know if we will like him, if he will like us, if we will be mutually attracted to each other, if he is sharing our interests enough for us to be able to build a friendship at all, and most of all - what his own expectations are.
But we are meeting him on Saturday - he may or may not be to our liking - but the time is right for a sober evaluation of what I really want anyway. Cause if it's not him, it may be someone else altogether, and you never know when opportunity strikes.
Did I tell you that we almost ended up in a threesome with one of my best friends after my birthday party? One of my best friends... let's call him Steven, whom I had a short sexual relation with half a decade ago, while we were busy establishing a very good frienship that lasts until today, and even survived my 3 1/2 years lasting absence. Feelings in the traditional sense were never involved, so keeping this friendship when the sexual relation ended was a very easy and non-awkward thing for us to do - after all, we were never anything but friends with benefits in the first place.
At any rate... I got quite drunk and quite horny that night, and The Fiancé must have read my mind, for he asked me almost directly and without me saying anything if that's what I wanted, and we played around with the idea for quite a bit among ourselves. Steven miraculously caught on to it as well from across the table in the very loud bar in which he could not possibly have overheard our whispering. He held up three fingers, raising one eyebrow questioningly, and giving us a dirty grin - how he figured this I still don't quite know, but in the end The Fiancé didn't want to go for it, because we were both too drunk to make that sort of decision with a clear head - aside from the fact that The Fiancé wasn't too keen on getting intimate with a newfound friend of his own for fear of possible awkwardness afterwards. When I was sober again the next morning I very much understood and agreed with The Fiancé's decision, even though for me Steven was the most logical choice of all: we've been there, we've done that, I already know I am not emotionally attached to him, and I already know we will never be awkward about it afterwards, out of experience.
In the end, the general consensus was that The Fiancé'd much rather get to know someone entirely new, with whom he isn't involved with as a friend in the first place. Someone to make friends with first, and then involve him or her into our private lives if the chemistry is right.
Now I am not sure if The Fiancé and I are on the same page as far as the nature of this "friendship" is concerned. I have the feeling that maybe he would want for this to be a one-time-thing only, before we move on to the next person, as to avoid possible dangers of emotional attachment and future problems. Personally, I am tending more towards building a tight friendship, and having this person around for as long as it works. Ideally, I think I would want for this friend to be a man (for I would very probably be jealous of a girl - a girl would be more of a one-night stand for me), someone who is obviously more interested in The Fiancé than in me, someone that The Fiancé is truly attracted to physically, someone who is on our level of education, shares interests with us, will share activities with us on occasion that go way beyond the bedroom. I am getting immense glee out of the pure thought of us and our "friend" going out together with other friends of ours, sharing this dirty little secret, and nobody else having as much as a clue as to what the nature of this friendship really is all about.
In a way Steven is still a good candidate for this - since I already know that he poses no threat or danger to our relationship or my emotions in any way, and I am sure he'd get a kick out of being involved with us in such a way. He is able to keep things quiet to the world outside, yet he treats sex between people in a most natural and un-awkward casual way, keeping emotions out of this entirely. If there ever has been clichée casual sex, then it was the sex between him and I, I swear. So, he'd be good, if it weren't for the little fact that he is, in fact, not exactly gay, and that him and The Fiancé are building this friendship, which The Fiancé isn't about to take to any level he is not comfortable with. Which I totally respect.
However, this leaves us with the problem of finding ourselves someone suitable, and quality people that fit our requirements are certainly very hard to find.
Judging from Mr. Cuba's profile, he's merely looking for a hot and adventurous night. What he says in person, we obviously do not know yet. I am curious, though. At any rate, I am really, really eager to get my threesome soon, lol.
Given, we do not know Mr. Cuba yet, we do not know if we will like him, if he will like us, if we will be mutually attracted to each other, if he is sharing our interests enough for us to be able to build a friendship at all, and most of all - what his own expectations are.
But we are meeting him on Saturday - he may or may not be to our liking - but the time is right for a sober evaluation of what I really want anyway. Cause if it's not him, it may be someone else altogether, and you never know when opportunity strikes.
Did I tell you that we almost ended up in a threesome with one of my best friends after my birthday party? One of my best friends... let's call him Steven, whom I had a short sexual relation with half a decade ago, while we were busy establishing a very good frienship that lasts until today, and even survived my 3 1/2 years lasting absence. Feelings in the traditional sense were never involved, so keeping this friendship when the sexual relation ended was a very easy and non-awkward thing for us to do - after all, we were never anything but friends with benefits in the first place.
At any rate... I got quite drunk and quite horny that night, and The Fiancé must have read my mind, for he asked me almost directly and without me saying anything if that's what I wanted, and we played around with the idea for quite a bit among ourselves. Steven miraculously caught on to it as well from across the table in the very loud bar in which he could not possibly have overheard our whispering. He held up three fingers, raising one eyebrow questioningly, and giving us a dirty grin - how he figured this I still don't quite know, but in the end The Fiancé didn't want to go for it, because we were both too drunk to make that sort of decision with a clear head - aside from the fact that The Fiancé wasn't too keen on getting intimate with a newfound friend of his own for fear of possible awkwardness afterwards. When I was sober again the next morning I very much understood and agreed with The Fiancé's decision, even though for me Steven was the most logical choice of all: we've been there, we've done that, I already know I am not emotionally attached to him, and I already know we will never be awkward about it afterwards, out of experience.
In the end, the general consensus was that The Fiancé'd much rather get to know someone entirely new, with whom he isn't involved with as a friend in the first place. Someone to make friends with first, and then involve him or her into our private lives if the chemistry is right.
Now I am not sure if The Fiancé and I are on the same page as far as the nature of this "friendship" is concerned. I have the feeling that maybe he would want for this to be a one-time-thing only, before we move on to the next person, as to avoid possible dangers of emotional attachment and future problems. Personally, I am tending more towards building a tight friendship, and having this person around for as long as it works. Ideally, I think I would want for this friend to be a man (for I would very probably be jealous of a girl - a girl would be more of a one-night stand for me), someone who is obviously more interested in The Fiancé than in me, someone that The Fiancé is truly attracted to physically, someone who is on our level of education, shares interests with us, will share activities with us on occasion that go way beyond the bedroom. I am getting immense glee out of the pure thought of us and our "friend" going out together with other friends of ours, sharing this dirty little secret, and nobody else having as much as a clue as to what the nature of this friendship really is all about.
In a way Steven is still a good candidate for this - since I already know that he poses no threat or danger to our relationship or my emotions in any way, and I am sure he'd get a kick out of being involved with us in such a way. He is able to keep things quiet to the world outside, yet he treats sex between people in a most natural and un-awkward casual way, keeping emotions out of this entirely. If there ever has been clichée casual sex, then it was the sex between him and I, I swear. So, he'd be good, if it weren't for the little fact that he is, in fact, not exactly gay, and that him and The Fiancé are building this friendship, which The Fiancé isn't about to take to any level he is not comfortable with. Which I totally respect.
However, this leaves us with the problem of finding ourselves someone suitable, and quality people that fit our requirements are certainly very hard to find.
Judging from Mr. Cuba's profile, he's merely looking for a hot and adventurous night. What he says in person, we obviously do not know yet. I am curious, though. At any rate, I am really, really eager to get my threesome soon, lol.
