Holy shit. Kim and her overgrown and overaged sack of lard are not worth the pixel space her mentioned name on the right would take up in my list of people I encountered on my journey.

I will not go into detail, other than to say that in response to my nicely worded email (- this time I really took care not to be in any way offensive or blunt the way I usually am, because it's not their fault that I don't feel comfortable with their music and with their conditions) I got a long list of insults and accusations thrown back at me.

The gist of it was basically that with my "sucky performance" and my "attitude" and my "quick disappearance" after practice, and basically my "lack of minimum professionality" I "fucked up my one and only chance at making it in the Austrian music scene" and gave away a chance that "anybody else would have died for".

Um'kay.

I really wasn't going to waste my energy explaining myself, but the audacity of these assumptions made the arteries in my neck pulsate with irate vehemence, and I couldn't help myself.

First of all... did I ever claim to be a guitarist, or even a good one, at that? I said from the beginning that I SUCK on guitars, and that I haven't really played on one in years. Was I pretending to be a professional musician that needs the red carpet rolled out in front of me? Did I ever even ASK Mr. Austrostar for this glorious "one and only chance in the music scene"? Did I, with one word, say I wanted to play, and please, give me a chance, oh famous one?

I stated plainly and clearly that I suck on the guitar - but was I listened to? No. I was being brushed off, and put on their band website as their newest member without him having heard me play a single note. I said I was going to have a hard time playing this song, and I DID have a hard time playing this song. No pretending otherwise, no claiming otherwise. To be put down for it afterward, being told "you are unprofessional, you couldn't even play the intro the way it was supposed to be" is an insult that makes me question their mental capacities.

I never claimed I was something that I then didn't turn out to be - if I would have done that, they would have been justified with their accusations, alas, I did NOT.

Many things she said to me bugged me a lot, because they were unfounded and taken out of nowhere, probably pulled out of the mysterious depths of some lardy ass. I can take being insulted - if there is reason for it, and some sort of foundation. When I fuck up, I ususally know that I did, even if I do not openly admit to it, and I can take well-founded criticism and accusations.

What I CANNOT STAND FOR THE LIFE OF ME is random stuff born out of self-righteousness and star-attitude. Holy shit, I bow to you, oh Master of the Scene... thou art wise and famous, and please taketh me under your wing and maketh me in your image.

WTF???

To be made seem like I desperately begged for a chance on stage, and then messed up The Greatest Thing That Ever Has And Will Ever Happen To Me™ and "messed things up beyond repair" with my Grand Benefactor™ is what bugs me most about this, and it is also what prompted me to explain myself - this time sans all niceties and respectful politeness that I displayed in my last email.

Of course The Fiancé thought it was extremely rude to end my email with "good luck with finding someone who doesn't mind a 300 kg meatball the age of her own father, and is able to get off with you despite its presence". Of course he got mad because I took this matter in my own hands without "consulting" him first, but if I would have "consulted" him he would have just kept me from righteously avenging myself and my honor, and getting back at them for their audacities, because The Fiancé is just too godamn nice to every walking piece of turd out there.

The sad thing is, despite all my attempts at becoming more social and open towards meeting new people, this little unpleasant episode has done nothing but to confirm my general distaste for the human race in general, and the integrity of people around me in particular.

With only a very few execptions containing my family and a very, very few and select friends, I have proven to be a turd magnet. People I thought I knew well enough to deem trustworthy suddenly turned around on me to crap on my head, it's a pattern that has repeated itself throughout my personal history, and it has made me very wary of meeting new people, and opening up to them.

Good thing that in this case I have kept my guard up and impenetrable the entire time - and as it seems this "fault" of mine turned into a big advantage this time.

I swear, put me on a secluded island with none other but my close family, The Fiancé, and the only 5 people that have never once turned their backs on me or deliberately hurt me in any way, I'd be the happiest little hermit in the Universe.