Thursday, July 21, 2005
Right Now...
Right now would be my time to call her back and confirm tomorrow's coffee appointment. I have figured I would take her to a nice café in Hollywood, one that The Fiancé took me to very early in our relationship while he was ditching work for me, and one that we later played at serveral times with the band. It's small-ish, it's comfy, and it's sort of boheme. And it sells Mexican Hot Chocolate, which is simply to die for.
Googled the exact address, and everything.
What separates me from a blissful (no matter the outcome - I get to see her!) tomorrow is a mere phone call. And after all, she said to me "Call me Thursday night..."
Well let me tell you something. My *brilliant* idea looks very stupid to me now, I wonder which devil has ridden me to call her in the first place, and my hands feel like lead - at any rate too heavy to even reach for my phone.
Heavens help me... I have thought this all through, and I cannot even fathom how to start the conversation that will lead to my telling her what she did for me, and how I feel about her - after I got through all the small talk with clammy hands and a wildly beating heart. I don't know how to do it. At least not without looking like a total creep, and I don't want to scare her away. I cannot even imagine sitting in that café, waiting for her. Staring at the door without meaning to, looking for her. I cannot imagine saying hi to her without my voice croaking and me saying stupid stuff. I cannot imagine tomorrow at all, I don't know how I will get through it.
Okay, let me rephrase that: I can imagine many things about tomorrow, and they all involve her holding my hands and kissing me and taking me home to her place... but really, I am talking about realistic stuff here. The thought of her freaking out, of her storming out on me, or worst: of her laughing at me scares the bejeezus out of me...
For right now though, I will be on my way to pick up The Fiancé from work, and then to West Hollywood... possibly for the last time while we are here.
And... I am going commando...
Googled the exact address, and everything.
What separates me from a blissful (no matter the outcome - I get to see her!) tomorrow is a mere phone call. And after all, she said to me "Call me Thursday night..."
Well let me tell you something. My *brilliant* idea looks very stupid to me now, I wonder which devil has ridden me to call her in the first place, and my hands feel like lead - at any rate too heavy to even reach for my phone.
Heavens help me... I have thought this all through, and I cannot even fathom how to start the conversation that will lead to my telling her what she did for me, and how I feel about her - after I got through all the small talk with clammy hands and a wildly beating heart. I don't know how to do it. At least not without looking like a total creep, and I don't want to scare her away. I cannot even imagine sitting in that café, waiting for her. Staring at the door without meaning to, looking for her. I cannot imagine saying hi to her without my voice croaking and me saying stupid stuff. I cannot imagine tomorrow at all, I don't know how I will get through it.
Okay, let me rephrase that: I can imagine many things about tomorrow, and they all involve her holding my hands and kissing me and taking me home to her place... but really, I am talking about realistic stuff here. The thought of her freaking out, of her storming out on me, or worst: of her laughing at me scares the bejeezus out of me...
For right now though, I will be on my way to pick up The Fiancé from work, and then to West Hollywood... possibly for the last time while we are here.
And... I am going commando...
Comments:
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well, my personal experience says that once you confront people with it, they usually have noticed somehow.
if you should be insecure how to articulate yourself in her presence, just tell her about your blog and ask her to check it before you meet tomorrow, so you two have a common base to start from. if she hates it, then she probably won´t even show up. though i´m sure she´ll be flattered, don´t worry. :-)
just try not to involve yourself too deeply, after all you´ll be leaving soon. good luck!
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if you should be insecure how to articulate yourself in her presence, just tell her about your blog and ask her to check it before you meet tomorrow, so you two have a common base to start from. if she hates it, then she probably won´t even show up. though i´m sure she´ll be flattered, don´t worry. :-)
just try not to involve yourself too deeply, after all you´ll be leaving soon. good luck!
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: 1:14 AM
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