Wednesday, May 04, 2005
"Coming Out" coming along...
Ok, first of all: no, I didn't end up going to that L-Word party afterall. I am upset over it, and relieved at the same time. I guess "sociophobia" is not that easy to overcome, afterall. But really the reason is much more simple and straightforward than that: the party was supposed to start at 6:30pm, and I didn't come home from our show at the Rose Bowl until the middle of the afternoon, and by that time I had one gig in San Diego the night before under my belt, a huge show in Pasadena, and was functioning on about 3 or 4 hours of sleep. We came home, ordered pizza, and then I went straight to bed and knocked out. I don't think I could have gone even if I really would have my mind set on it 100%.
I emailed the girl the day after and apologized for flaking out. Next time I'll go, I promise.
Now, about "coming out".
Last night I found myself in a 2 hour phone conversation with one of my best (girl) friends. She moved to San Diego last year, so we kinda got out of touch a bit, but she's coming back to LA next week, and I am really excited. So we talked. Like we haven't for the longest time. It felt really good, especially considering that I hate talking on the phone so much, lol. I am always complaining about having no girlfriend around me to talk to, and The Fiancé is always complaining about much the same thing. He always tells me I need an outlet other than him, and I always answer him that he's full of shit, that I don't need anyone to talk with. Here's the point where I publically admit that yes, he was right. There is nothing quite like just talking and talking and talking and talking... I think I just completely forgot about how good that feels because I haven't done it for such a long time.
I think the last time I was one the phone with a friend other than my partner for 2 hours was in high school.
We talked way past midnight, and I didn't even notice it. :)
Anyway.
She brought up that she thinks I have changed a whole lot ever since she saw me coming to the US almost three years ago. I thought that statement was interesting, so we got a bit more into detail on it, and then all of a sudden it happened: I said "Well, part of that is that recently I have figured out some things about me that I kind of didn't pay so much attention to before, but are now a huge part of what I am..."
She said: "What's that?"
Uh-oh... laid myself an egg right there, lol. Sweat starts forming on my forehead. What to do? WHAT TO DO???
And the next thing I know, I said to her: "Well, I have figured out that I really love women."
Just like that. It just slipped out, and no bolt of lightnig came from the sky and struck me down right on the spot.
On the contrary. She didn't even skip a beat, there was no weird pause, nothing. She just went on about how cool that was, and then wanted to know all about it.
*blink*
That was easy!
Of course I probally shouldn't have felt apprehensive about telling her in the first place. I don't know why I did. I guess it's because we've always been really close and huggy-feely with each other, and I didn't want her to feel weirded out, maybe. At any rate, I felt like I sprouted wings right there, right after I told her and she was so cool about it. It put me on a total high. And of course it's one more person to check off on my list. :)
Then I gave her the link to this here blog. Is it going to be weird to have one of my best friends read all this? You betcha. This is probally more than she ever wanted to know about me, and she will probally scream and wash out her eyes with soap when she comes to the juicy details I sometimes can't help but post about The Fiancé and I, but to me that's all part of my big master plan of letting the world know, and standing for who and what I am.
Yes, I feel proud of myself today. :)
Also two other girls who I have been in electronic contact with have gotten back to me today, and they were so sweet and cute, they really made my day, too. A couple more emails back and forth and maybe I'll have the ovaries to suggest a meeting. Heck, I feel so good today... maybe I'll take the bull by the horns and invite one of them to our Cinco de Mayo show tomorrow...
I emailed the girl the day after and apologized for flaking out. Next time I'll go, I promise.
Now, about "coming out".
Last night I found myself in a 2 hour phone conversation with one of my best (girl) friends. She moved to San Diego last year, so we kinda got out of touch a bit, but she's coming back to LA next week, and I am really excited. So we talked. Like we haven't for the longest time. It felt really good, especially considering that I hate talking on the phone so much, lol. I am always complaining about having no girlfriend around me to talk to, and The Fiancé is always complaining about much the same thing. He always tells me I need an outlet other than him, and I always answer him that he's full of shit, that I don't need anyone to talk with. Here's the point where I publically admit that yes, he was right. There is nothing quite like just talking and talking and talking and talking... I think I just completely forgot about how good that feels because I haven't done it for such a long time.
I think the last time I was one the phone with a friend other than my partner for 2 hours was in high school.
We talked way past midnight, and I didn't even notice it. :)
Anyway.
She brought up that she thinks I have changed a whole lot ever since she saw me coming to the US almost three years ago. I thought that statement was interesting, so we got a bit more into detail on it, and then all of a sudden it happened: I said "Well, part of that is that recently I have figured out some things about me that I kind of didn't pay so much attention to before, but are now a huge part of what I am..."
She said: "What's that?"
Uh-oh... laid myself an egg right there, lol. Sweat starts forming on my forehead. What to do? WHAT TO DO???
And the next thing I know, I said to her: "Well, I have figured out that I really love women."
Just like that. It just slipped out, and no bolt of lightnig came from the sky and struck me down right on the spot.
On the contrary. She didn't even skip a beat, there was no weird pause, nothing. She just went on about how cool that was, and then wanted to know all about it.
*blink*
That was easy!
Of course I probally shouldn't have felt apprehensive about telling her in the first place. I don't know why I did. I guess it's because we've always been really close and huggy-feely with each other, and I didn't want her to feel weirded out, maybe. At any rate, I felt like I sprouted wings right there, right after I told her and she was so cool about it. It put me on a total high. And of course it's one more person to check off on my list. :)
Then I gave her the link to this here blog. Is it going to be weird to have one of my best friends read all this? You betcha. This is probally more than she ever wanted to know about me, and she will probally scream and wash out her eyes with soap when she comes to the juicy details I sometimes can't help but post about The Fiancé and I, but to me that's all part of my big master plan of letting the world know, and standing for who and what I am.
Yes, I feel proud of myself today. :)
Also two other girls who I have been in electronic contact with have gotten back to me today, and they were so sweet and cute, they really made my day, too. A couple more emails back and forth and maybe I'll have the ovaries to suggest a meeting. Heck, I feel so good today... maybe I'll take the bull by the horns and invite one of them to our Cinco de Mayo show tomorrow...
