Tuesday, April 26, 2005
Progress!
On all fronts, I might say. Today is a good day, I am feeling a lot better.
Combine the Fiancé's silly grin with mine, with my inability to walk without wincing, with his question of: "Are you making up by giving me sex?", and you'll have a pretty good picture of what's going on today. And last night. And probally some more tonight.
He's looking at me with a spark in his eyes again, he's playfully touching me, and he's giving me little kisses and tender headrubs out of nowhere. He intercepts my way to hug me. He interrupts his work to walk all the way into my office to stick his tongue down my throat.
I smile today, and I think I adore him and his ability to move things behind him and to move on and to forgive more than ever. I enjoyed sex so much last night and today, that I ended up asking him for it and initiating it a few more times, much to the Fiancé's surprise.
I never ask for it, usually, because he already is more than any sane woman could handle on a daily basis even without me having to ask.
In the car on the way to school he just sat there with his own hand resting slightly between his legs, grinning and sighing at the same time.
It was adorable and it filled my heart to the rim. Maybe I'll rape him in the car right here on the campus parking lot, making use of our tinted windows. Or maybe I'll drag him into the closest restroom. Or maybe I'll just tell him how much I love him, and how I cannot ever see myself without him, no matter if we fight or not.
Things are not totally okay yet, but I feel like we left the lowest lows and are well in the middle of an upswing again.
And so is my bi-life. Today I have received an evite to a "L-Word" party this upcoming Sunday by the girl I was talking about yesterday. From what I understand it is basically a bunch of girls meeting to watch TV and then to eat, drink, hang out, flirt. Or something.
I have a show to play at the Pasadena Rosebowl that same day, but if I am not mistaken the show takes place sometime around noon or the early afternoon, and if that is the case, I could start working on my socializing phobias and issues, and actually show up and meet likeminded people in the evening. It's not too far either, in Hollywood.
The Fiancé got excited when I told him about it. How much more depressed and suicidal would I be, would he not be so understanding and supportive of this side of me?
Maybe we should rent some gay porn tonight. And "normal" porn, too. I think he would like that after a whole day of working and stressing over his algebra test today. There are few things more positively mind-numbing and distracting from problems than a good ol' porn flick, shared in the privacy of our bedroom. :)
Combine the Fiancé's silly grin with mine, with my inability to walk without wincing, with his question of: "Are you making up by giving me sex?", and you'll have a pretty good picture of what's going on today. And last night. And probally some more tonight.
He's looking at me with a spark in his eyes again, he's playfully touching me, and he's giving me little kisses and tender headrubs out of nowhere. He intercepts my way to hug me. He interrupts his work to walk all the way into my office to stick his tongue down my throat.
I smile today, and I think I adore him and his ability to move things behind him and to move on and to forgive more than ever. I enjoyed sex so much last night and today, that I ended up asking him for it and initiating it a few more times, much to the Fiancé's surprise.
I never ask for it, usually, because he already is more than any sane woman could handle on a daily basis even without me having to ask.
In the car on the way to school he just sat there with his own hand resting slightly between his legs, grinning and sighing at the same time.
It was adorable and it filled my heart to the rim. Maybe I'll rape him in the car right here on the campus parking lot, making use of our tinted windows. Or maybe I'll drag him into the closest restroom. Or maybe I'll just tell him how much I love him, and how I cannot ever see myself without him, no matter if we fight or not.
Things are not totally okay yet, but I feel like we left the lowest lows and are well in the middle of an upswing again.
And so is my bi-life. Today I have received an evite to a "L-Word" party this upcoming Sunday by the girl I was talking about yesterday. From what I understand it is basically a bunch of girls meeting to watch TV and then to eat, drink, hang out, flirt. Or something.
I have a show to play at the Pasadena Rosebowl that same day, but if I am not mistaken the show takes place sometime around noon or the early afternoon, and if that is the case, I could start working on my socializing phobias and issues, and actually show up and meet likeminded people in the evening. It's not too far either, in Hollywood.
The Fiancé got excited when I told him about it. How much more depressed and suicidal would I be, would he not be so understanding and supportive of this side of me?
Maybe we should rent some gay porn tonight. And "normal" porn, too. I think he would like that after a whole day of working and stressing over his algebra test today. There are few things more positively mind-numbing and distracting from problems than a good ol' porn flick, shared in the privacy of our bedroom. :)
