Saturday, February 26, 2005
Pregnant
Guess who is?
No, it is not me, let me take all suspense away right from the top, so I don't have you sitting there, nervously chewing on your nails until you are done reading this post.
So, guess who's pregnant?
I'll tell ya who's pregnant. Every-frickin-body around me is!!! What the hell? My baby cousin (- well, "baby" is to be understood with a sense of relativity here - she's 21 now) just got knocked up by some dude she knows for a mere few weeks - and I didn't even know that she broke up with her boyfriend of several years(!) and met someone else, I am so out of the loop. She wants to keep it, he wants to "make an honorable woman" out of her and marry her, she doesn't wanna get married just because she's having a baby... drama, drama, drama. Silly girl! Silly, silly girl. She's a lot smarter than her surroundings and circumstances would ever have supported her to be when she was growing up, and now that she's finally supporting herself, she played with the thought of going back to school and becoming a nurse, like my sister. But... no self-confidence! She defeated herself before she even tried to get in, by telling herself she's too stupid to ever make it in the first place, when I know she probably is very capable of making it, with a little effort. And now she's knocked up by some stranger. Kiss her possibilities and potential good bye. She'll end up just like she is right now: working some minimum-wage dead-end job sans opportunities for improvement for the rest of her life - or she'll give up work altogether to become a stay-at-home mom and a burden to society, just like the majority of the rest of the family.
And then there's my dad's best friend's wife. They just announced her second pregnancy. Total different situation. He's got a master's degree and his Ph.D. in physics, she has a master's degree on her own. They own a beautiful and big appartment, and he alone makes more money in a day than The Fiancé and I combined would make in an entire month. They are married for 3 or 4 years, they already have a toddler in the house. Perfect circumstances, no? NO. Both of them are incapable of child-rearing, and they should be forbidden to procreate any more. Smart people as they are, well-educated, and sophisticated, they are completely delusional when it comes to their kid, to the point where it makes you wanna walk out of the house when you see the way they are handling him, because you can't take it anymore. They follow some sort of "philosophy" according to which the child is supposed to grow up without having to know the meaning of "no", and with no restrictions whatsoever. He need not eat at regular meal times, he need not eat what he doesn't want to eat, he is allowed generous sips of his parents' beer for dinner, he need not go to bed at night if he doesn't want to, he need not sleep in his own bed, he need not clean up after himself, and if he wants to play with the microwave and electrocute himself, or reach for the hot stove and burn himself, that's okay too... because he shall learn by making his own mistakes.
Which was - in some weird and twisted way - tolerable up until the point when Mom had to rejoin the work forces after about two years, and all of a sudden a regular rhythm was required. Kiddo throws tantrums now if they try to put him to sleep anytime before midnight (when both of them are already so wired that they wanna go to bed around 9), and naturally he has problems getting out of bed when they have to in order to go to work. Also of course... now that he's old and big enough to get into all kinds of things, the "don't say no" philosophy proves itself for the crock of shit that it is, for now he turns their house upside down and puts himself in dangerous situations, and they have no power over him whatsoever. And he's only 2 1/2 years old! Rejoyceth, for one day he will be a teenager... LOL! Not to say that each and every single person around them who observed their "methods" told them so... but we told them so.
And now she's pregnant again. At this point, I am not sure if I should be happy for them, or heartily laugh at them.
At any rate - both of them have one thing in common: they'll have a baby soon. And what that thought does to me - a woman in her mid-twenties who has a serious and hardly suppressed hormonal itch to procreate myself - is horrible in my current situation. Now that there is so much stuff going on with my band and it feels like we are moving on, and moving on fast, and we see some serious possibilities out there, and I have finally managed to cancel all thoughts of cuddly and sweet babies out of my mind and focus on what's important right now, there come these two with their big news, and fuck my brain over all over again.
Why does everything in my life have to be such a tormenting decision? To stay and spend a good amount of my fertile years in trying to make a dream come true, or to go back home, get married, and have the baby that I want so bad? And of course - one thing is incompatible with the other. And the decision will have to be made soon... soon as in: the next 3 months. Mostly for legal bureaucratic issues, that is.
Ah, well. Congrats to the two future mommies.
No, it is not me, let me take all suspense away right from the top, so I don't have you sitting there, nervously chewing on your nails until you are done reading this post.
So, guess who's pregnant?
I'll tell ya who's pregnant. Every-frickin-body around me is!!! What the hell? My baby cousin (- well, "baby" is to be understood with a sense of relativity here - she's 21 now) just got knocked up by some dude she knows for a mere few weeks - and I didn't even know that she broke up with her boyfriend of several years(!) and met someone else, I am so out of the loop. She wants to keep it, he wants to "make an honorable woman" out of her and marry her, she doesn't wanna get married just because she's having a baby... drama, drama, drama. Silly girl! Silly, silly girl. She's a lot smarter than her surroundings and circumstances would ever have supported her to be when she was growing up, and now that she's finally supporting herself, she played with the thought of going back to school and becoming a nurse, like my sister. But... no self-confidence! She defeated herself before she even tried to get in, by telling herself she's too stupid to ever make it in the first place, when I know she probably is very capable of making it, with a little effort. And now she's knocked up by some stranger. Kiss her possibilities and potential good bye. She'll end up just like she is right now: working some minimum-wage dead-end job sans opportunities for improvement for the rest of her life - or she'll give up work altogether to become a stay-at-home mom and a burden to society, just like the majority of the rest of the family.
And then there's my dad's best friend's wife. They just announced her second pregnancy. Total different situation. He's got a master's degree and his Ph.D. in physics, she has a master's degree on her own. They own a beautiful and big appartment, and he alone makes more money in a day than The Fiancé and I combined would make in an entire month. They are married for 3 or 4 years, they already have a toddler in the house. Perfect circumstances, no? NO. Both of them are incapable of child-rearing, and they should be forbidden to procreate any more. Smart people as they are, well-educated, and sophisticated, they are completely delusional when it comes to their kid, to the point where it makes you wanna walk out of the house when you see the way they are handling him, because you can't take it anymore. They follow some sort of "philosophy" according to which the child is supposed to grow up without having to know the meaning of "no", and with no restrictions whatsoever. He need not eat at regular meal times, he need not eat what he doesn't want to eat, he is allowed generous sips of his parents' beer for dinner, he need not go to bed at night if he doesn't want to, he need not sleep in his own bed, he need not clean up after himself, and if he wants to play with the microwave and electrocute himself, or reach for the hot stove and burn himself, that's okay too... because he shall learn by making his own mistakes.
Which was - in some weird and twisted way - tolerable up until the point when Mom had to rejoin the work forces after about two years, and all of a sudden a regular rhythm was required. Kiddo throws tantrums now if they try to put him to sleep anytime before midnight (when both of them are already so wired that they wanna go to bed around 9), and naturally he has problems getting out of bed when they have to in order to go to work. Also of course... now that he's old and big enough to get into all kinds of things, the "don't say no" philosophy proves itself for the crock of shit that it is, for now he turns their house upside down and puts himself in dangerous situations, and they have no power over him whatsoever. And he's only 2 1/2 years old! Rejoyceth, for one day he will be a teenager... LOL! Not to say that each and every single person around them who observed their "methods" told them so... but we told them so.
And now she's pregnant again. At this point, I am not sure if I should be happy for them, or heartily laugh at them.
At any rate - both of them have one thing in common: they'll have a baby soon. And what that thought does to me - a woman in her mid-twenties who has a serious and hardly suppressed hormonal itch to procreate myself - is horrible in my current situation. Now that there is so much stuff going on with my band and it feels like we are moving on, and moving on fast, and we see some serious possibilities out there, and I have finally managed to cancel all thoughts of cuddly and sweet babies out of my mind and focus on what's important right now, there come these two with their big news, and fuck my brain over all over again.
Why does everything in my life have to be such a tormenting decision? To stay and spend a good amount of my fertile years in trying to make a dream come true, or to go back home, get married, and have the baby that I want so bad? And of course - one thing is incompatible with the other. And the decision will have to be made soon... soon as in: the next 3 months. Mostly for legal bureaucratic issues, that is.
Ah, well. Congrats to the two future mommies.
