Friday, November 05, 2004
No go for me.
Tomorrow would be the day I would get to see her again.
Would.
Under any other circumstances. That is, if we had more than $30 on our bank account and less than hundreds of dollars pending to pay in bills etc. So what that means is that not only will I not see her tomorrow, but also for a rather long and indefinite tormenting period of time, at least until our CD release party, I think - and when that's gonna be I have no clue at this point, and even if I did, it still all depends on her even wanting to come.
That does not make for a very happy me.
I have avoided looking at her picture all week, trying not to make things worse than they already are, knowing ahead of time about my likely inability to go hang out tomorrow. I have avoided talking about her, and I have made a point trying not to think about her much at all. I don't know if it worked... it did for a while, but now with the weekend approaching, so is my desperation about having no other way of contacting her than over The Fiancé's friend the hostess... and no other reason to hang out with her other than him wanting to spend time with his friends.
Which we have no money for.
I wish I had more metaphorical balls and would just pick up that phone and call her. What would I say? That's the whole problem, I guess. She's his friend, not mine. There is no reason for me to call her out of the blue except for one... and that's the one I don't have the balls to admit to her. And a "Hey... it's me, your friend's girlfriend from last weekends' parties... if you remember me... and... uh... I just thought you were cool and I was wondering if you wanted to hang out..." doesn't sound like anything I would take without awkwardness and suspicion, if I were in her shoes.
I wish I was in her... UGH. Nevermind. ;)
Would.
Under any other circumstances. That is, if we had more than $30 on our bank account and less than hundreds of dollars pending to pay in bills etc. So what that means is that not only will I not see her tomorrow, but also for a rather long and indefinite tormenting period of time, at least until our CD release party, I think - and when that's gonna be I have no clue at this point, and even if I did, it still all depends on her even wanting to come.
That does not make for a very happy me.
I have avoided looking at her picture all week, trying not to make things worse than they already are, knowing ahead of time about my likely inability to go hang out tomorrow. I have avoided talking about her, and I have made a point trying not to think about her much at all. I don't know if it worked... it did for a while, but now with the weekend approaching, so is my desperation about having no other way of contacting her than over The Fiancé's friend the hostess... and no other reason to hang out with her other than him wanting to spend time with his friends.
Which we have no money for.
I wish I had more metaphorical balls and would just pick up that phone and call her. What would I say? That's the whole problem, I guess. She's his friend, not mine. There is no reason for me to call her out of the blue except for one... and that's the one I don't have the balls to admit to her. And a "Hey... it's me, your friend's girlfriend from last weekends' parties... if you remember me... and... uh... I just thought you were cool and I was wondering if you wanted to hang out..." doesn't sound like anything I would take without awkwardness and suspicion, if I were in her shoes.
I wish I was in her... UGH. Nevermind. ;)
