Saturday, October 30, 2004
Soon...
I get to see her in a couple of hours... what I've been waiting for all week. And now I feel yucky, and nervous, and almost wish I wouldn't have to go to that party.
I don't want for my bubble to burst. I don't want to go there, find out she is not the least bit interested in me, and find all my hopes and dreams crushed. I almost rather keep on going with my fantasizing and dreaming, than facing her a second time, and maybe not get even close to what I want.
Maybe she was just nice, interested in getting to meet new people. Maybe that's all it is. Maybe I am full of shit, and completely delusional, and will make a total ass out of myself, unable to face The Fiancé afterwards, who's been seeing me obsess over her all week, and will soon see me rejected.
Yet at the same time I can't even sit still with anticipation...
I don't want for my bubble to burst. I don't want to go there, find out she is not the least bit interested in me, and find all my hopes and dreams crushed. I almost rather keep on going with my fantasizing and dreaming, than facing her a second time, and maybe not get even close to what I want.
Maybe she was just nice, interested in getting to meet new people. Maybe that's all it is. Maybe I am full of shit, and completely delusional, and will make a total ass out of myself, unable to face The Fiancé afterwards, who's been seeing me obsess over her all week, and will soon see me rejected.
Yet at the same time I can't even sit still with anticipation...
